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    • #57769
      Mummyturtle
      Participant

      Hi,

      I’m not really sure how to start. I only really admitted it to myself when my son started asking questions that I didn’t want to answer out loud. I couldn’t even figure out why.I kept thinking, it wasn’t that bad, I was never punched, kicked but all the other wounds went a lot deeper than I thought.

      I met my husband and within a few weeks, I wasn’t sure so kept trying to break things off with him. I’d come home confused that we were still together, we fell pregnant very quickly (best surprise) and consequently ended up moving in within (detail removed by moderator) months. I found out only this week that my family were taken to one side and told to keep away now on the day my son was born. Fast forward (detail removed by moderator) years and I was constantly ashamed, unable to make a decision, had no money, no close friends left and only very weak links to my family.

      I only got the strength to leave when my son started wetting the bed all the time. I was lucky that my family were ready to take me in.

      I’ve bought my own house now and have a good job but I can’t seem to shake it. Reading other people’s stories makes me so sad.

    • #57774
      backtome
      Participant

      This sounds pretty similar to my situation – when my daughter was born he didn’t specifically tell my family to keep away but he made it VERY clear that he didn’t want them around. When they visited he would take our daughter and stand in the corner of the room with her out of the way so no one could actually see her/hold her and if they called/texted he would glare at me and/or shout at me for not paying attention to being a mum and told my family were interfering. I wasn’t allowed to pick her up etc. I also fell pregnant very quickly after meeting him and he moved in with me as soon as I found out I was pregnant. He’s never worked apart from the odd few cash in hand jobs here and there and was so possessive over our daughter. Things have gotten better since I stood up to him – he’s just a big child himself and used guilt and sulking/intimidation to control me.

      Massive WELL DONE on getting your own house and having a good job – another similarity we have. The fact I’m successful in almost all other areas of my life just made me feel more at fault for the way I “let” him treat me and our daughter.

      I just wanted to give you a positive to story to read so that you’re not reading all the sad ones. You should also look at yourself as positive inspiration for others who are trying to break away, you’ve done it, you’re here to tell the tale! I think each positive story gives women hope that there is a light at the end of it all. x

    • #57777
      Mummyturtle
      Participant

      Thank you for that and WELL DONE to you too.
      Blaming yourself for ‘letting’ it happen is exactly how I feel. And when my ex (nearly) husband uses every interaction with my son as a way to manipulate, cause anxiety and control my life even now, that anger is renewed.

      I am lucky though, my son is amazing and I have a great family. Hopefully I can use this to help someone else as you say. Thank you again x

    • #57792
      SunshineRainflower
      Participant

      Well you both inspire me, I’ve been out of work for ages due to anxiety, panic attacks and depression so strong successful ladies are my no.1 inspiration! It’s great to know people heal from this and go on to lead successful lives. I’ve been working towards my goals of working in a sector that inspires me and I’m not giving up. It also makes me feel so happy knowing how annoyed the abusers will be at all of our success because they are pure misogynists thinking we are just on earth to reproduce and pander to their needs.

      Mummyturtle have you accessed abuse specialist therapy? I would certainly recommend it if not as trauma often stays in the body which is why we can get flashbacks etc years later, ptsd. There’s a book called the body keeps the score about this. Emdr is one good treatment or talking therapies, just make sure the therapist is trained in domestic abuse and trauma because some can be clueless and therefore make us feel worse.

    • #57795
      Mummyturtle
      Participant

      SunshineRainflower, I haven’t accessed any therapy since I tried relationship counselling some years ago. My ex turned on his charm and ended up having a coffee with the therapist whilst I sat in the car. A friend has recently recommended someone though who is trained in this.
      I think you are strong, I can tell by the way you write. You have hope and can see a future, you survive every day. Keep working towards working in your inspiring sector! (Detail removed by moderator) I watch them grow every day it helps me heal. Xx

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