New here

[Lorax]

Hi All,

I have come to expect bad days, it’s like I’m programmed to not feel too happy because chances are something will come along and make it a bad day.
I have been separated from my abusive husband for (detail removed by Moderator) years. I met him after an extremely abusive first marriage, made worse by the isolation of living in another country. When I met my estranged husband I had no idea my daughter and I had suffered so much, that the abuse was terrible and that PTSD wasn’t just for soldiers returning from wars. My young daughter and I were vulnerable and I settled for better not best with my second husband. We have 3 children together, only one of them has wanted any kind of contact with him. There is so much I could tell about my journey but today was a bad day because our (detail removed by Moderator) son, who suffered the most physically at the hands of his dad and who is on the autism spectrum struggles so much with his mental health, is having a bad day. He is better at talking to me or his older step sister and we act like therapists for him. But I feel and have always felt such crippling guilt, it hurts me to know that I could have stopped the abuse the first time with my eldest daughter but then i went and did it again with my second husband and our children. We are living everyday with the damage they caused and I don’t know if it will ever be repaired?

[Lisa]

Hi Lorax,

Thank you for sharing with us and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear of the abuse you and your children have experienced and the ongoing impact of the abuse. It sounds really distressing for all of you. Sometimes the memory of what you endured and the difficulties of starting a new life can make you feel as if you are not healing- the healing process can take time. Do you and your children have support in place? There are local domestic abuse services who can often offer emotional and practical support including support from dedicated children workers. Your local service can be found here.

You may also want to explore Bloom. They offer free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be.

Keep posting when you can.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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