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[Plantface]

Hi everyone,

I told my partner that I’m leaving them, on (detail removed by Moderator), and although I didn’t handle it well, the response has been as traumatic as going through the break up. In a (detail removed by Moderator) conversation he mocked me, swore at me, threw my neurodivergence back in my face, accused me of being an emotionless robot. They have a son and won’t let me say goodbye to them, basically saying that unless we’re together it’ll be too confusing for him unless we’re together.

He keeps asking for me to come back and “fight for us”, but I’m just not interested.

I told him the reason that I was breaking up was because I felt anxious about the way that he spoke to me, but he’s twisting things round and told me that I should have made it clear about how much of an issue it was for me. I have tried telling him, but not in such explicit terms…the truth is I was scared of him by the end. I have a lot of parental trauma and this triggered so much in me.

Even though my friends and family have told me that he is abusive I still don’t fully believe it and keep blaming myself for how I’m portraying them. The doubts and second guessing myself is chronic and I keep thinking I’m wrong, even though I know I’m not. It’s all very confusing!

Thanks for listening 🙂

[Lisa]

Hi,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Abusive men never take responsbility for their behaviour and will often blame their partners. this is part of the abuse and its understandable that this is confusing for you.

You are incredibly brave for setting your boundaries and communicating that to him. You know what you have been through and endured. You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Author]

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