New here – Advice on renting a flat

[Crosscountryconfused]

Hello everyone,
In the last two weeks I’ve come to the realisation of the fact that my relationship is actually abusive and I have leave. I thought it was just him having a bad temper and me not being able to deal with all the shouting and verbal abuse. Having binge read a lot information I’ve also realised how I’ve been emotionally manipulated, financially abused and isolated from everyone. I literally have no friends and I’m far far away from family.

I want to leave and have started to make plans and already I’m stuck. I’ve looked at places to rent but I’ve found out I’ll need to provide references (I don’t have any), proof of income (I can’t provide that as I’ve been working in ‘our’ business but everything is in his name).

I have money saved, I can pay rent for the next 6 months but currently I can’t prove that I’m not a risk to any landlord. Work-wise I’m still in the process of securing a contract role so officially I’m unemployed.

I almost talked myself out of it all again (I’m constantly doubting myself, it’s not so bad is it? and that’s because of his whole Jeckyl & Hyde act which makes me feel like I’m the bad person here, plotting behind his back. Logically I now know what that is but emotionally/psychologically I’m a mess.

I feel like a child who doesn’t even know how to do the simplest things because he’s taken care of those things because he reminds me how I’m not capable and I need him to take care of everytthing.

I thought I’d post here for some advice or I might end up spending another (detail removed by Moderator) years living like this miserably just because I don’t know how to do simple things like how to rent a place 🙁

[Anonymous]

Crosscountryconfused the only thing I can advise without him getting wind of things is to either stay with family/people you can trust or phone women’s aid for refuge but usually they put you in a different area away from the abuser,if you register as homeless with the council due to your situation they might put you in a b+b until you find somewhere more permanent, but phoning women’s aid due to the circumstances maybe the better option 🤗😚💖

[KIP.]

You might be better renting a room off someone in the meantime but definitely contact your local women’s aid.

[Hetty]

I’ve been where you are. Felt totally overwhelmed and like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Lean on as many people as you are able to for support – whether that be for words of encouragement or a listening ear. Starting over is such a big thing to have to do while also coping with and eventually leaving an abuser. My first step was to go to my local domestic abuse service. At no point did they tell me what to do but they did help me to look at options. Break things down into small steps. You’ve raised some questions about renting – perhaps contact some letting agencies for advice, is there anyone who could act as a guarantor for you? You could also speak to your local housing service. Is there someone you could stay with temporarily? Would an agent accept personal references or is there someone you know who had rentals? Remember just one step at a time. If your safety is not immediately at risk you can take some time to make plans. This is what I had to do. Like you I felt huge guilt for doings things behind my exes back but it was self preservation pure and simple. Start putting yourself first ❤️

[Author]

Posts