New here and can’t quite believe what’s happened!

[Foreverhopeful]

Hi, new to this site and in desperate need of support. Husband was arrested  (detail removed by moderator) for domestic abuse against myself and one of our grown up daughters. (Detail removed by moderator).
This gives us time to breath, to try to come to terms with what has happened and to think about how we wish to move forward. Our (detail removed by moderator) daughter was at work when the abuse took place and is struggling to come to terms with it all. Just have to give her space and time to process it all and reach her own conclusion.
Never ever thought my husband would cross the line but now he has, I don’t think I will ever feel safe around him again. In my opinion, if someone can treat another person like that once, they can do it again. If I give him another chance and it happens again, we may not get away with just bruises next time!
Feel like my entire world is falling down around me and I am powerless to stop it. Can’t forgive him for what he has done. Hate feeling so scared, helpless and vulnerable.

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel… Foreverhopeful,
Welcome to the forum & well done for posting, you will find a lot of support from the lovely ladies on here who know exactly how you are feeling.
You are right this has given you time to breath … so do exactly that. Find a quiet moment and just listen to what your gut, your inner voice is telling you.
This can actually be the scarcest time but there is now an end in sight to this.
I know your world as you know it has changed but the sooner you can accept this the sooner you can begin to move forward.
Start to look at your options, get the house in order for what you need, paperwork, special things, finances … make some phone calls while he is out of the house.
Speak to women’s aid or the domestic abuse helpline too, they will be able to help you with all this kind of things.
Get yourself strong as well, as when he can speak to you he will be more than likely ramping up the ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I’ll change’
This is, if you are weak, very easy to believe and hard to resist. However they do not change and situations only get worse.
Use this opportunity to free yourself and your children of this man for a better healthier, balanced and safer life.
Keep posting and stay connected.
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[Hawthorn]

Hi Foreverhopeful,

Welcome to the forum. I just wanted to send my support to you and your daughters. Such a terrible shock you have had. Like you my whole world changed in an instant, my abuser escalated to violence and I saw my situation for what it really was. You are right in everything you say, he crossed a line and that can’t be undone, you will never forget what he has done, and you are under no obligation to forgive him, or indeed ever speak to him again.
Please reach out to your local women’s aid for support and keep reaching out here. I would suggest reading Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, it’s available to read for free online. Knowledge is power. Though the incident you describe may have been the most overt abuse he has perpetrated against you, abuse in a relationship is like a thread woven through the fabric of our lives, it touches everything. It’s normal not to see it and to minimise it while we are living in the abuse but you have space and time to see clearly now. Abusers crave power and control and will do anything to maintain it, but the abuse is insidious and creeps so slowly we don’t see or hear it.
You can do this. You are not alone. Your silence towards him is your power now, take it back. Keep reaching out here too. Sending love and light xx

[Living Warrior]

Hi my lovely,
I am sending my love & support, i agree with the ladies above, this is the time to get things sorted. He will return with apologies and promises, but it will keep happening and it will get worse.
You can apply for many emergency court orders, including occupation orders to stop him returning to the house, non molestation orders to keep him from contacting and harrassing you and the children, and if needed a prohibited steps order to stop him taking children from school or childcare (if this is applicable) get intouch with your local womens aid, and get advice on what to do next, many WA charities have local links with domestic abuse trained solicitors, to help with court orders to keep you safe.
I hope you get the support you need and wish you all the best.
keep posting.
sending strength. love and hope.

[Author]

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