New here and finding it difficult to cope

[Coco-melon]

Hi everyone, I’m new to here and I don’t know how to start, I was mentally abused by my ex for just over a year he made me believe my parents didn’t love me and only he did. It caused a lot of issues with me and my family (which we have now sorted) he has been charged by police but we share a daughter and I am terrified about him being around her to the point I take severe panic attacks over it. I’m wondering how others cope.

[Pinkypanther]

Everyone finds there own way of coping, its not easy but remember you are strong and will get through this.
Maybe look into him only having contact through a contact centre until you know he can be trusted with her, im not sure how you would go about doing that, maybe someone else would have an idea, or only have contact between them with a family member you trust then you would not have to be there if that will be to difficult for you.
remember stay strong, you have got this. xx

[Coco-melon]

Thank you, (detail removed) the thought of him being near my daughter makes me feel sick as he never has had an interest in her but is playing up to everyone else that he does have an interest, it’s been so so difficult xx

[Watersprite]

Hey coco melon welcome! I’m sorry to read what you have been through. I would try and get some support at this difficult time your GP women’s aid maybe legal advice? If he has been charged it won’t look good for him with CAFCASS. Make sure you have parental responsibility maybe worth talking to a lawyer. Re panic have a look at MIND and NHS resources try breathing exercises mindfulness can be helpful for some yoga nature music. Remember too that this will pass. Keep posting – you are not alone x*x

[Coco-melon]

Hey thank you, the doctor knows about the situation and had me on tablets for panic attacks they have been helping (detail removed by moderator)Thank you for the tip I’ll look on the nhs website for some breathing activities x*x

[peppa-pig]

It is really difficult when you share a child with the abuser, I am petrified he will come and harm me and my daughter but I realise to myself we are extremely lucky to have got out, he doesn’t know where we are and I have the comfort of a restraining. Order, do you have one? A restraining order or non molestation might make things easier for you?
You are extremely brave for getting out and your child has an amazing mum xx

[Coco-melon]

Im so glad you managed to get away from him you are so strong,(detail removed by moderator)

[Lisa]

Hi Coco-melon,

First , welcome to the forum. I’m sure you’ll find many women here will understand how your feeling and be able to relate.
It really is such a personal process for each women to recover and heal from an abusive relationship. This is normal. Try to not be too critical of your feelings and listen to your gut. Your feeling anxious about child contact for a reason and it’s okay to seek help and advice to learn of any options you may have with this.
Rights of Women are a voluntary organisation offering free, confidential legal advice on matters including family law, domestic abuse, children and child contact issues. Rights of Women are available on 0207 251 6577. They also have a website at http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk .
The National Association of Contact Centres offers advice on child contact centres. They are available on 0845 4500 280 (9am- 5pm Mon – Fri). The website is at http://www.naccc.org.uk
The Coram Children’s Legal Centre is a unique, independent national charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people. They offer legal advice and representation to children, their carers and professionals throughout the UK. They can be contacted on 0300 330 5480, 8am – 6pm, Mon – Fri. The Children’s Legal Centre has a website at http://childlawadvice.org.uk/ .
You may also want to consider contacting Family Lives on 0808 800 2222, 24hrs. Family Lives is available Mon-Fri, 9am-9 pm, and 10am-3pm Sat & Sun. You can call about any family issue, big or small. You can send your question by email or you can chat online with one of the parent support workers. They also run face-to-face groups throughout England.
Also, it may be useful to have a chat with your local domestic abuse service as they often can provide emotional and practical support.
I hope this is helpful.
All the best,

Lisa

[Coco-melon]

Hi Lisa, thank you so much I’ll get straight on to having a look at these websites to see if I can get a little bit more help thank you xx

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