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Ive been with my partner since i was (detail removed by Moderator) im in my (detail removed by Moderator) now we have 2 kids . I was in love i never saw it for so long but now i have i cant unsee it i need him gone .me and my sin walk on eggshells i never no what mood hes in . He’s never beat me up but over the years he has strangled me a few times slapped me grabbed me bu my hair screamed im my face grabbed my face infront of the kids sometimes so ive learnt mot to say much bk in an argument . He can come home and moan about anythink especially the house i cant cope i cant wear what i want do what i want. He’s driving nf me mad but i dont know how to get out hes scary aggressive at times
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Do you have support from women’s aid? Find your local one and ring the national domestic abuse helpline for advice too. Please ring the police if he turns up. As victims we minimise the abuse. He may not have beat you in some ways but in others he’s done much worse. Strangulation is one step away from homicide and you’re seven times more likely to be killed by your partner if he’s strangled you previously so please ring 999 if he turns up. Abusing you in front of the children is child abuse. Do you have any friends or family that can help you or would you consider a refuge until he’s caught?
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Start by contacting your local women’s aid. Give them a ring in the morning. There’s always a way out it just doesn’t feel like it when we have been programmed and brainwashed by our abuser. Take a look at Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. You could consider going into a refuge with your children but you need to build a support network. The national domestic abuse helpline is open 24/7 and is run by Refuge. Try to open up to someone. Talk to your GP. Talk to the domestic abuse police unit. They could remove him from the property and perhaps issue bail conditions too. Do you think he would go to prison for the offences the police are after him for? Abuse thrives on silence so you need to talk to someone. You cannot handle this yourself x don’t tell him you want to end the relationship as this is the most dangerous time. Women’s aid can help advise you of your rights and housing and help with legal advice like a non molestation order. We are often frozen with fear so organisations like Women’s Aid are there to help x
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Hi Khloe I’m so sorry you are going through this terrible abuse. I hear and understand your fear it is there for a good reason. It is telling you you are not safe and neither are your children. Abusers always get worse and leaving is the most dangerous time. He may be more reactive because police are involved for other reasons. Please don’t tell him anything of your plans act as normal with him as you can and seek help as suggested above when you can. Support is out there to assist you at this difficult and concerning time. Focus on your breathing – you can do this you deserve safety and freedom it’s out there xx
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Thank you so much for replying i will try to contact them when he goes out which is a bit hard at the min with lock down . Its possible he vould go jail for what they are looking for him. I feel to set him up like call the police to tell them where he is anonymously but im still scared to do that even
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The police have a domestic abuse unit who can help you. You could talk to them about your options. You can also email the police and let them know where he is but be very careful and cover your tracks. Do you have an old mobile phone you don’t use any more you could ring them on that. The police are very busy so sometimes you have to be pro active and help them out. Helping yourself out at the same time. Once he’s in custody you could talk to the domestic abuse police about safety measures and bail conditions x
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Hi khloe, can you go to a friend or relatives house with the kids and phone from there? Or even go to your children’s school and ask them for help? Just say you need to call in to pick up something if they’re not attending and ask for help when you get there. I can tell how scared you are. There’s always a way out but when we are terrified we freeze. You just need to get somewhere safe with the children, make the call and then let the professionals help you. These are just a few suggestions off the top of my head. Xx
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Hi Khloe,
I’m sorry things are so awful for you. I’m just going to add my voice to the others to say please, please do everything you can to get in touch with Women’s Aid. How do you get your food supplies in? Does one of you go out for them? Would that be a moment when you could call safely? When you make contact with them they will be able to help you figure out how to get yourself and your children to safety so that the police can get to him without the kids knowing what’s happening. They will be able to do some of the thinking for you.
Good luck – keep coming back here… the more support you can get, the stronger you will feel. You can do this, I promise. You will find a way.
Big hugs x*x -
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