- This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 2 months ago by KIP..
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19th January 2021 at 9:24 pm #120054AnonymousInactive
Hey everyone. I’ve known I was being abused for a a few months now. I realised while pregnant and terminated the pregnancy (detail removed by moderator) of the way because of this. It was the hardest/worst decision of my life being in my (detail removed by moderator) and doing that knowing it was actually a little baby inside of me now. I hate myself for it and I resent him so much more. The realisation of what was happening and my already quite bad anxiety was just too much I was so suicidal and I couldn’t bare to think of bringing a baby in the world that would have to experience him. The abuse was so much worse whilst pregnant. I knew I would not be able to look after a child by myself due to my age, I’m (detail removed by moderator) and I’m quite younger than him and I have little support outside of him. It has been a few months now and I’m still in the relationship. He hated me for getting the termination he was relentlessly horrible all the way through. I tried to leave (detail removed by moderator), packed all my bags and he talked me out of it somehow. I am a shell of myself, some days i feel completely paralysed by it all, especially through lockdown with him. I hope to build up my strength and leave as soon as I can but the trauma bond feels impossibly strong.
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20th January 2021 at 4:42 am #120064IwantmebackParticipant
Hi there and welcome to the forum. My poor darling you’re grieving the loss of your baby while you’re going through all this too. Don’t think for one minute that you’re weak, it’s taking huge courage to stay in this war zone. What you did was right for you,can you teach out to your doctor, opening up to mine that I was in an abusive relationship was another step in getting away from my oh. I also contacted my local WA, who supported me and eventually helped me by finding me refuge accommodation in a lovely building. It was a bedroom flat and I got an immediate feeling of peace and weight being lifted when I first saw it. You will get away from him. Trauma bonded is extremely hard to break, I looked at it from the science perspective, chemicals being released when you fall in love, and chemicals are released when he abuses you. Its like Stockholm syndrome. Look up the Cycle of Abuse and the FOG of abuse, they’ll help you too. You are in no way to blame for this no matter what he tells you. Think of him as an emotional vampire,draining you emotionally, all emotions give him supply.
Keep posting, keep learning.
IWMB 💞💞
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20th January 2021 at 1:44 pm #120095AnonymousInactive
Hello, thank you so much for replying it means so much for you to understand and empathise with what is happening. I spend all the time I’m not around him researching and reading trying to properly understand and believe what he is doing! It’s a whirlwind. sending you strength and love during this time 💕
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20th January 2021 at 6:01 am #120069KIP.Participant
Hello and welcome, please contact your local women’s aid. You made the right decision having a termination. Abuse escalates during pregnancy and after is worse when an abuser doesn’t get the attention he thinks he deserves. Pregnancy is also used to trap a victim in a relationship and it sounds like this is what he was doing. Read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Talk to your GP about what’s going on and get some counselling in place with someone with experience of domestic abuse. Your local women’s aid will be able to offer you support with housing snd benefits and refuge. Try keeping a secret journal and you will see his pattern of abusive behaviour. Either way with the pregnancy he would have used it against you. Abusers simply move the goal posts. If you’d kept the baby he would have used that against you too. Talk to women’s aid about a safe exit plan and keep your phone on you fully charged at all times. Ring the police if you feel threatened. They have new ways of removing a perpetrator and you can talk to the domestic abuse unit for advice.
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20th January 2021 at 1:47 pm #120096AnonymousInactive
I am yet to contact women’s aid as I feel that will solidify and make everything that much more real but finding the courage to take the steps is the main thing. I have just recently started journaling and reading “why does he do that”. I will also buy that one. Thank you for your wisdom and advice It means the world x*x
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20th January 2021 at 1:52 pm #120098KIP.Participant
Women’s aid will be able to educate you further. They won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. Think of them as helping you understand what you’re going through. They absolutely opened my eyes to abuse x
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