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    • #119654
      Little Miss Shy
      Participant

      Hello,

      I’m new here. Going through a really bad break up. He’s been told not to contact me. But now I find out that the children’s belongings are being sold on (detail removed by moderator).

      And it’s some of the things I needed.

      Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do?

      Sorry, just needed a rant. Wasn’t sure who else to talk to.

      Thanks for reading

    • #119655
      GreenSapphire
      Participant

      Hi there Little Miss Shy,

      Welcome to the forum and well done for reaching out.

      I’ve not been in this situation but I empathise with you and how distressed you must be feeling by having this knowledge. Such a hurtful thing to do and also to witness.

      I don’t know your particular circumstances but I would keep a record of what you’ve found out as this may be beneficial in the future.

      Social media is a blessing and a curse. It can be such a positive tool to keep us connected with others but also such a destructive tool which can lead to us finding out things we’d rather not know. Being reminded of what they are doing or saying causes us more pain and more misery.

      We all find it incredibly difficult to free ourselves from our abusers. It’s almost as if there is an in invisible leash which keeps us connected to them and in a way there is. Abusers will and do use social media to punish us or to keep us under control or to hook us back in. It would be best for your well-being and mental health if you could block his contact on these platforms. Contact with them or keeping up on how they are or what they are doing only brings us more internal distress and discomfort. I hope the things he has up for sale can be replaced at some point. Your safety and the safety of your children are the priority.

      I’m only awake at this ungodly hour because of a pet but i’m sure other ladies will be along to help and support you later on this morning and today.

      x

    • #119667
      Hetty
      Participant

      Hi, just wanted to offer you some support. I haven’t had experience of this but I have left and had to leave a lot of stuff behind. It makes me so upset and mad at times and other times I tell myself it’s just stuff, that being free and keeping my child safe is the most important thing. How awful your ex has done this with the children’s things. Absolutely sick and cruel.
      My guess is this is bait to get a rise from you. Whatever you do don’t enter into discussion with him about it. They lure us in with either behaving unreasonably or being reasonable. Either way their goal is to open up communication again to feed their egos and/or to get us back in their cycle.
      If this leaves you in hardship you could reach out to any charitable organisations to replace the items. I know this will feel really unfair. When you replace things they will belong to you and your children and no one can take them away. When I’ve been buying little items for my new home I’ve been taking pleasure that it’ll be all mine.
      Lots of love. This is truly despicable behaviour from your ex ❤️

    • #119686
      Empoweredhealing
      Participant

      I’m not sure if you’ll be involved in a custody arrangement with him in the future. But if you are, I would take screenshots of him selling things that the children need. You may need evidence in the future.

      In terms of replacing items, try FB “no buy clubs”. If there’s one in your area, you can post what you need. There may be other free FB groups that you can join. Mothers looking to donate or receive children’s items are very popular on FB.

      • #119688
        Hetty
        Participant

        That’s a great idea. There’s on in local fab page and often people post what they need and people are always willing to help x

    • #119691
      GreenSapphire
      Participant

      There is Freecycle too where people post things they don’t want and advertise for things they do want. It’s completely free and no money exchanges hands.

      Also, in my area there are loads of Mutual Aid groups on Facebook where people offer things and ask for or offer help. These groups started up in the first lockdown, so worth checking FB to see if there are Mutual Aid groups in your local area x

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