new relationship?

[honeyuh]

Hi, it’s been a while since I’ve posted, which ill take as a good sign. However, things have been rough the last few weeks. I’ve started seeing someone new, and I want to run screaming for the hills. I try and explain why to my friends, but the words just don’t come out. I like this guy so much, and he means so much to me, and when im with him, I enjoy it. However, I can’t stop panicking and freaking out. I fear that if I tell him about my past (which, if we get into a relationship, I will do), he will run screaming for the hills, and I’ll get hurt again. I also come with so much baggage because of my past and knowing that I don’t want to open up to him if he decides it’s way too much or im insane or something.
I feel silly because he’s the sweetest man, and he treats me so well, and I trust him, but this feels like such a big deal and im so scared of hurting him. It also brought back some of the nightmares and flashbacks that, up until now, have calmed down quite a lot. I think it’s just thinking about dating someone properly again. I’ve been messed over before, and I don’t want to get messed over again.
I will try and talk to him and see how it goes, maybe sort my head out a little, but I don’t want to mess him around.
This is so ranty, and I don’t know if im making any sense but 🙁 I have nobody else to talk to.

[KIP.]

Your past is nobody’s business. Don’t feel obligated to tell him at all. I’ve been free several years now, done some dating and the past abuse isn’t something I’d feel the need to explain. I took a long time to sort myself out. Have you done the freedom programme and had some counselling. Take a step back and enjoy the relationship at your own pace. If you feel overwhelmed then step back. If he’s decent he won’t mind x

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