New relationship and Clare’s law

[Purplecupcake]

Hello all, I started dating someone new. It’s a long distance relationship so we have only met in person a few times so far, but talk or text everyday. He and I have a lot of common interests and have had many deep conversations and I feel we have built a very strong connection this way.

He recently opened up to me about his past, I was already aware he had had a rough childhood and spent sometime in foster care due to it. But he admitted that he had in fact spent time in prison for violent offences. He said some of his charges were dismissed as it was in fact self defence, that at the time he had been drinking and took things way too far.

Although I was shocked, it hasn’t really affected my perception of him, he no longer drinks, he showed true remorse for what he did, he has served his time and this all happened more than a decade ago. Again we have not long been dating yet he has been completely honest and up front about his past.

I don’t want to judge someone because of a mistake they made more than 10 years ago, and I believe everyone deserves a chance to grow and change and it seems he really has. However given how my last relationship turned out to be abusive, I no longer trust my own judgement.

I had already considered applying for Clare’s law if things became more serious between us, but thinking I should apply now, does anybody know what level of detail the police are allowed to share? Obviously I already know he has a history of violence, but i want to confirm he is being truthful about it being self defence etc, will the police share that information? Will this still flag up even though it was many years ago?

I would really appreciate any advice on this matter Or stories of anyone who has applied for Clare’s law before, how does it work, what’s happens when you apply etc?

[Lisa]

Hi,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Its understandable that this is playing on your mind. You have a right to safeguard yourself. You can contact the police on 101 and ask to make a request under Clares Law. It is up to the police what they choose to disclose and this decision is around protecting you and disclosing any offences or history that is relevant to the situation and anything that is of any risk to you.

If the checks do not show that there is a pressing need to make a disclosure to prevent further crime, the police will tell you that. However its important to listen to how you are feeling and if you are feeling unsafe in this relationship.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Author]

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