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    • #124654
      Loveglitzandglam
      Participant

      Hello I’m new and it’s the first time I have ever posted on something like this. Here goes.
      First met my partner over (detail removed by moderator) and it started off good( usually does) and he was a gentleman and for his age (detail removed by moderator) mature and we were like best friends too. After so many months I started to get to know the real him!. He turned nasty on me he is worse after drinking,. He accused me of cheating he check my phone while im asleep.or when I’m awake He was cheated on by his (detail removed by moderator) girlfriend and it was with his friend and he says all women aren’t to be trusted! He keeps saying I have to have a lie dector done every month to proof im faithful.. he sstarted putting me down because of my makeup which never bothered him before,he ssays I can’t wear (detail removed by moderator) etc cos it looks slaggy,so now to stop any arguments I don’t bother with makeup or doing my hair anymore and I feel miserable.i want the old me back.again. I work and he doesn’t and I’m on furlough at the moment but he saying I’ve to quit my job, I aren’t quitting my job ever I love my job and earning my own money. I asked him about getting a job and he says only mugs work! He had his own place but lost it so I took him in temporarily until he got somewhere else but he is acting like its his home and I sit upstairs while he is downstairs on the (detail removed by moderator) ,he comes up twenty times a night to check up on me. When I go shopping he comes with me even though he doesn’t like it but he won’t let me go on my own because he thinks I’m going to cheat he tells me to hurry up before I’ve even got into the supermarket and even times me, I found out from his dad that he had issues and some kind of breakdown a (detail removed by moderator) ago, I have been understanding and tried to help him but he won’t help himself he has smashed my home up and the abuse towards me gets worse. he smokes w**d and drinks and he goes absolutely mad when he has no money for it,I won’t fund for his drinks or drugs i I don’t want it in my house and I don’t want him in my house anymore but he won’t go,he says if I ring the police he will hurt himself. Is this my own fault,did I bring this on myself by falling for somebody aa bit younger then me. Any advice would mean alot

    • #124658
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Hello there and welcome – love your name! This is absolutely not your fault I’m afraid is abuse. It is coercive control and illegal. Threats to harm themselves or others is a common tactic. He is a grown up and he is not your responsibility. He has choices and chooses to be abusive. These men get worse and he is showing warning signs of violence and sounds like he has a history. These types are all about control and dangerous when feel they are losing it. Can you speak to your GP or women’s aid or a trusted friend if the police route is not for you? Educate yourself without him knowing – Lundy Bancroft book why does he do that a great starting place. Please call police if you get worried though. You don’t have to live like this – time to get glitz and glam back.x*x

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