New to forum, been going through a difficult time for months, still on going

[Sunny111]

I am only just coming round to the fact I was in an abusive relationship as I didn’t want to believe it, in the end I was manipulated to leave home, not knowing he met someone else and he still lives there comfortably with my name on there, living with some of my items, I’ve done everything I can to be removed and I’m getting no where, feel like I’m the only person in the world going through this and I am completely mentally defeated and humiliated, I’ve had loads of advice but I’m happy to take more

[Twisted Sister]

Hi sunny111

You are certainly not alone in this. There are all too many of us going through very similar, and suffering the same pain, upset and confusion.

I hope you feel at least here you have found somewhere to share your experiences and know you will be understood, and are amongst friends who truly know how this is.

Is your home rented, or owned? no need to answer, but if its a rental then write to the landlord/council to advise them that you have had to leave due to domestic abuse, I believe they will not have to hold you to your contract because you have had to leave to be safe, as its no longer safe for you to stay there. They have to remove your name/liability. If its your own property, that will require a legal deed of change of ownership/mortgagee, and will not necessarily be granted, it will depend on his financial circumstances whether he can take on the additional mortgage to buy out your share.

Whatever the circumstances, something can be done. Its a shame that he’s still there instead of you, as had you stayed he could have been forced to leave because he is the one causing the issues, and orders can be issued against him to not occupy the property, and to stay away. I don’t know if you were aware of this?

Whatever your circumstances though, keep talking them through and getting help to resolve them so you come out of this in the best way you can.

warmest wishes

ts

[Sunny111]

Hello, thank you so much for your reply, it is rented, I’ve given notice as I should and that hasn’t been accepted, I can’t seem to get any contact directly with the landlord, I can make an occupational order but I just don’t know what to do for the best as he still has the upper hand by living there. The further I’m away the more I can see it for what it was, but whilst I was living there I was in complete denial, that’s why I accepted and just left, but I’m not giving up on this, I just want to be okay again

[Twisted Sister]

do you rent directly from the landlord, or is there an agent involved? There may be a legal form you can use to finish your part of the tenancy due to extenuating circumstances of deomestic abuse.

Take a look online at the Citizens Advice Bureau under renting/domestic abuse. Also you could look online at Shelter, or call Shelter also.

Sorry, I haven’t had chance to read the options that Lisa has offered.

I really hope you can get help with this as you have no choice but to leave when being abused, for your own safety, so all bets are off.

Letsus know how you get on.

warmest wishes

ts

[Sunny111]

It’s rented from the agent, I don’t have any contact with the landlord at all, the difficulty is I left because he ended it, all though I left due to fear, intimidation and potential danger, it was mostly because I feel like I didn’t have a choice, he already had power, I just couldn’t stay there anymore, I wish I’d had the courage to at least stay until something was sorted instead of me being in this position, I thought I was doing the best thing for me by cutting a clean slate and leaving with no memories of him, however this is currently back firing massively on me and it’s slowly killing me

[Twisted Sister]

I am so sorry to hear the impact this is having on you. Lisa’s post is excellent and gives you lots of options for places to seek additional support and practical help, and I am hopeful for you that you will get the help you deserve.

It is important that you advise your agent that you have been thrown out by him, and there is an added threat of risk in your staying or ever going back there, and to request your name be removed from the tenancy as he’s made you homeless.

The Agent cannot argue with this, although I suppose they might, but this is reasonable cause for breaking a contract, and its his fault that its broken and you must be removed from any responsibility for paying rent or upkeep of the property from the date of your departure from there.

Please keep talking and letting us know how you are getting on. We’re here for you.

warmest wishes

ts

[Sunny111]

Thank you for your kind words, I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, I wish I’d have explained clearly in the beginning to them what had happened but even I didn’t realise or see it as clearly as I do now, which is very upsetting as I’m beating myself up for not having the courage sooner. Regarding the estate agent’s, they’ve had letters explaining my situation but still haven’t removed me, I’m going to hope and pray something will happen, I’ve done all I can on my end really and I don’t want to have to contact my ex which they’re asking me to do, I can’t let this whole thing put my life on hold, I need to push on for myself

[Twisted Sister]

Hi

I’m very sorry to hear that the estate agents have ignored your valid points.

I would say your next step is to contact CAB to make an appointment, they can take up this case on your behalf and write to the estate explaining that they must act to protect you and not work to put you back at risk, which is what you say they are doing.

They are perhaps use to ignoring letters they don’t agree with, especially when it comes to a situation that causes them issues and potential money loss and breaking contracts, in an area they clearly have no experience in. They could be found to be acting illegally if they force you into a contract with a man known to be dangerous to you. So receiving this kind of information formally via a direct contact from such as CAB, may make them take notice.

Its hard to do this on your own isn’t it. Hard to keep fighting against those that just turn away and ignore the issue. However, that doesn’t make the issue go away, and neither should it, they just need further pressure.

Had you considered writing to your MP regarding this? I’m sure they would take this up with the agent also on your behalf, and ask questions of their actions.

Do keep posting, and don’t let them push you around, we’re here for you.

warmest wishes

ts

[Lisa]

Hi Sunny111,

Welcome to the forum.

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. As Twisted Sister has expressed, you are not alone in this. It may take some time to process all that you have been through and recover. It’s important you get the emotional and practical help you need moving forward.

It’s always good to talk things through with your local domestic abuse service as they will certainly understand how you are feeling and can go through all your options in getting help. Often they have links to legal advice, support groups and advocacy workers. You should be able to address the issues with the property and any items that you need to collect that belong to you.

You can access free online courses created by or in partnership with therapists specialising in trauma at Bloom. These courses can be accessed in your own time and at your own pace and cover topics such as trauma, abuse and boundaries.

The Freedom Programme is an 11 or 12 week rolling programme which provides information about male violence to women. This programme identifies the tactics abusers use, the beliefs held by abusers, and the effects that domestic abuse can have on women and children. The Freedom Programme is for women who have experience of domestic abuse, be it in their personal or professional lives. You can start the programme at any time, and you can attend as many or as few sessions as you choose. Each session is entirely confidential, and you can contribute as much, or as little, of your own thoughts and experiences as you like. Many women find this a very useful support group as it is available to women whether they are experiencing current or past abuse. The Freedom Programme is run in many locations across the UK. More information about the Programme can be found on their website.

Also, you could try calling Supportline who offer confidential emotional support to reach people before they get to “crisis” point. They offer support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse. They can also refer locally. You can contact them on 01708 765200 or visit their website.

I hope this information is useful to you.

All the best,

Lisa

[Sunny111]

Hello, thank you for your advice I will give that number a call, means a lot honestly

[Author]

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