New to here.

[Freeforever]

First time I have ever been on here, looking for some light.. I have been with my partner for (detail removed by moderator) unfortunately own a home together, we also have a daughter. I would not say we’ve had a terrible time like some woman what they go through. However I do have to watch when or how I say things Incase it triggers another episode. We’ve been having a tough year but it’s just gone from bad to worse.. drugs is involved which is something he started doing (detail removed by moderator)I was not aware of this until recently. Whenever we get into a row he lashes out and hits me yet then blames me because I shout. I don’t know where to turn my sanity is just fading .. I’m lucky financially as I have a good job so pay ever single bill on the house even the mortgage and when I bring this up that’s a argument to.. he lost his work (detail removed by moderator) also which I’m happy to support but not for this kind of treatment. I want to leave but why should I be the one to go.. or should I stay and fight out to sell the house. Any advice be so much appreciated.

[ladiesand gentlemen]

So sorry you are having to go through this. Keep talking on the forum, it really helps.
This is how they are I’m afraid, always somebody else’s fault. Treading on eggshells just encase you do or say the wrong thing !! I have a daughter too, she is old enough now to understand, and is making her own decisions about the situation
I would get some professional advice, your local abuse centre for women, your GP or if need be a solicitor
Take care of yourself x*x

[Freeforever]

Hey, thank you for your reply. I’m sorry to hear about your same situation. Stay strong.. I am normally quite strong willed myself but recently I have struggled. Yes my daughter is finally seeing him for what he is.. yet I feel guilty for allowing her to feel this way.. so stuck I am always honest with her about certain things because I don’t want her to grow up into thinking men can treat you this way. Where currently in the house of silence which is hard but easier than fighting I suppose, I’m just trying to not bite at his barks

[Watersprite]

Hello Freeforever and welcome. I’m sorry to hear the abuse you are facing and your daughter is sadly a victim too. It sounds like you are really minimising his abusive behaviour and comparing it to others. It becomes normal but it isn’t picture the nicest man you know – would he behave like this to his family? He should always treat you with respect and lashing out and hitting is domestic violence. The psychological stuff though is often more damaging in the long run and as much as you think you are protecting your daughter it’s not ok for her. I thought the same the damage was only obvious to my children after we left and it’s devastating I wish I had left years ago.
Read up on abuse Lundy Bancroft why does he do that. You could call police and see if they will remove him and get an occupation order and talk to a family law solicitor many offer a free initial consult reach out to womens aid and maybe your GP? We just left it got too unsafe but others get to stay. You can do this for yourself and your daughter you deserve so much better get your plans together and keep your cards close seperation/leaving is the most dangerous time. You’ve done the first step posting here you are further than you know keep moving forwards hope this helps x*x

[Freeforever]

Hi watersprite, thank you for your great advice it all sounds so true.. I am making excuses.. it’s like when we do have a bust up and he assaults me he plays it down like oh just a little push or pull.. if he apologies the following day he’s like (detail removed by moderator). Like I’m meant to all smiling when I’m being treated like This. The guilt I feel towards my saucy is more hurtful and upsetting than what I’m going though. I need a exit plan and unfortunately I cannot just up and go .. I run a business have people who rely on me to get up and show up.. so it’s so tough facing the world with all this on my shoulders.

[ISOPeace]

Hi there, you can get legal orders to make him leave the house. I don’t have experience of this myself so can’t advise on any details. The normal advice about leaving is to not say anything until you’ve left and are safely away, because violence/abuse often escalates when you try to leave. I don’t know how you do that if you’re getting him to leave, maybe leave temporarily while it’s all being sorted out then move back in when he’s out? I would recommend calling the National Domestic Abuse Helpline for more advice. xxxx

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