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    • #173705
      Coffeemumma
      Participant

      Hi,

      Apologies in advance as this will be a long one…

      A few months ago I finally made the decision that I no longer wanted my ex in my life. I have been trying to rebuild my life with my children in a safe and happy environment.
      What I am struggling with most it the thoughts of , ‘was it abuse’ and how do I stop it continuing.?

      I think maybe I need someone to tell me yes it was or no, he was just horrible to you ( if that makes sense) he’s never hit me, and when I bought things up in the past his reply is always the same, that that’s just who i am and  you should be greatful that I dont physically hurt you like so many others .

      Some examples of his behaviour,

      He always tells people I’m mental, in a joking way
      Makes jokes about me putting on weight and comments on what I wear. He puts me down and I feel so small, like I’m worthless. He’s told me for years that no one likes me, that men only talk to me because they fancy me (even our (detail removed by moderator)) and that should make me happy. I don’t have any friends left so this really gets to me…

      Hes punched doors, pulled (detail removed by moderator) off walls, punched tvs and told me that if I ever get a new boyfriend he’ll break mine and their legs. He even more recently told our sons (detail removed by moderator) that he’s got (detail removed by moderator), when he didn’t get the laughing reaction he was expecting he said he was joking and didn’t talk to me for days because I was upset that he’d say something like that. It’s not funny to me..

      Iv had to walk on egg shells around him for years as he’s got this feel sorry for me mentality.
      Over the years he’s taken a lot of money from me and refuses to pay it back …

      Im finding now that I’m not around that he’s putting this type of thing onto our boys, eldest has now said he’s scared of him and doesn’t want to see him. I honestly feel so worried how this is going to affect our youngest.

      Years ago he went to prison for immigration offences and has ever since been pulled aside at passport control to be questioned. Im worried because he’s now saying he’s taking our youngest abroad this year and all I can imagine is my poor boy, alone, in an airport waiting for his dad to be questioned by security. He’s told me I can’t stop him as he’s got rights as a dad…I would love for my son to enjoy a holiday with his dad but this doesn’t feel safe to me…

      Thank you for reading, I appreciate any advice

       

    • #173712
      Better-days
      Participant

      Coffeemuumma i hope you are ok. What u have been through is definitely an abusive relationship and well done for leaving. I have two boys and still in the relationship. It’s all mental abuse I’m going through. I’m sorry ur still being abused through ur kids this is what most abusive men do and it’s so sad. I’m not 100 percent but I most definitely think that it is against the law to take them out country without ur permission so double check.

    • #173720
      Eyesopening
      Participant

      It most definitley is abuse and my heart goes out to you. Please contact Womens aid and they will help you, they told me who my local domesti abuse organisation was and I had a great local Domestic abuse support worker who helped me more on a 121 basis. Its so important for you and your childrens safety. xx

    • #173721
      tiredofitall
      Participant

      This definitely sounds like abuse and very similar to what I experienced.  I used to think that it was just c****y behaviour because they weren’t hitting me but I was wrong.  I’ve lived with doors being punched, furniture being smashed and so on.  Its very scary.

      Well done for getting out, that takes a lot of courage.  I’d definitely get some expert advice before agreeing to your son being taken abroad.  I know I had to give written permission for my daughter to travel to the US with her dad but we are divorced and I don’t know if that is just a rule for US immigration.  I think its worth finding out beforehand, just in case.

      x

       

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