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    • #144660
      Peonylove
      Participant

      Hi, I’m new here so just taking first steps to figure things out. I’ve been in a relationship for the last (remove by moderator) months and it’s been up and down to say the least. He seems to have high expectations of what he wants from a relationship…trust, full transparency, to be part of my life fully, to meet my friends and family and have this solidness which sounds so good. However if he feels he’s not getting this from me he kicks off, acuses me of hiding things. He recently found out I had a second phone (removed by moderator). This led him to feel he couldn’t trust me. I reassured him there was nothing to worry about but he brought it back up recently when he wasn’t happy because i didn’t share with him how a night out id been on had gone. I feel like I can’t win and it’s always me who is making mistakes and begging for forgiveness. I confide in my family but they’re worried about me and want to end the relationship but I can’t seem to do it. I’m nearly 50 and so desperately want my happily ever after that it feels like this is my last chance otherwise I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. I was in a financially abusive relationship a few years ago and I don’t know if I’ve learned any lessons from it. My mum was physically abused by my dad. Is this all hereditary? Where do i go for help to shift my thinking and become strong enough to set boundaries? Please help!

    • #144668
      Shaishai
      Participant

      Hi, welcome to the forum. Please don’t feel like this is your last chance for happily ever after. You will find it. Please don’t blame yourself for any of these situations. Narcissistic people know exactly what they are doing and search for people that are vulnerable. Please trust in your friends and family. I’m not saying you must leave him, but talk to them and explain how you feel.

      I know how hard it is to leave when you feel like you are worthless and it’s all your fault. Don’t settle for someone who is not worthy of you, if you settle it will never be your happily ever after. Do you love yourself? It sounds like you don’t, but you should. You are worth so much more.

      I don’t know where you should go for help as I’m struggling with that too. The first place to try is your GP to try and get some counselling or similar. I’ve been doing CBT for a while now and it is really tough but I have found it helpful. I am learning not to blame myself and to simply like myself. One day I hope I will love myself.

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