newbie and confused

[Monroe]

My husband was arrested (detail removed by moderator) and has been kept in custody (detail removed by moderator). He attacked me and then my (detail removed by moderator) children aged (detail removed by moderator). I miss him and love him so much but feel guilty as he has repeatedly abused me for the past (detail removed by moderator). Choking me punching me. Isolating me completely but im lost without him. what is wrong with me im (detail removed by moderator) too so confused

[KIP.]

Hi, I’m so sorry you feel this way, what he did to you and your children was horrific and not an act of love. Love doesn’t hurt us. Are you in touch with women’s aid, they can give you lots of support. Google trauma bonding and see if you recognise it in your relationship. It’s a bond that’s stronger than love and much more deadly. His fate is out of your hands and it’s a good thing there is no contact for a while because you need space to work things out in your head. It will feel like breaking a drug addiction. But the longer you can keep zero contact, the more the fog of abuse will clear. Your children need you just now more than ever. You need to be very kind to yourself too, you’ve been through a terrible ordeal. Are you and your children receiving counselling. I’d speak to my GP about sorting out some counselling. He sounds like the sort of man who would not stop and since abuse always gets worse, he may well have killed you and your children. That’s not love. That’s a dangerous man. Try to use this time apart to work out what is going on and why you feel the need to have him in your life. Have you read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. Have you done the Freedom Programme via women’s aid?

[Monroe]

Hi Kip and thanks for replying. I have just emailed his dad telling him i was going to retract my statement as i love him. God im so stupid. Im sat here worrying about him in custody and not myself. No i have not had any help with womens aid or gp the police gave me womens aid contact. The last time my husband choked me i actually prayed he would kill me as i was so tired and now i wish i was as he had control over everything and i am at a loss as what im meant to do anymore. But i will read living with the Dominator and no i have not done the freedom programme

[Author]

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