Newbie: Help me get my head straight.

[MamaLala]

Sorry I’m sure this is quite jumbly I am just trying to figure out what is for the best… I recently had a (detail removed by moderator)break from my abuser and honestly loved it. I feel like I’ve gained strength, I’ve had sleep, like proper sleep, full 8 hours, sometimes more (sorry to boast but I’m sure you understand xx) … I’m eating better, doing things for myself, made friends for the first time since I’ve been with him! Like it’s just been phenominal especially for such a short amount of time. He has now been back for (detail removed by moderator) and I’ve been crying in the loo!… I just don’t know what’s wrong with him. We have two amazing children, who are super easy and happy and we are just teh luckiest parents in the world to have, truly can’t talk them up enough and we have what ok is a basic house, but in an amazing location in a lovely well sort after town like w*F is his problem??!! His finances are good too there is absolutely zilch to be unhappy about and he is just sucking the light out of everything. Ok sorry I could go on of course, but my point is I don’t want to be with him and now I don’t know what to do. Honestly I just haven’t got the balls to end it. I want him out of mine and our children’s lives. I don’t want anything from him BUT I have no money… I don’t even have a bank account! I know what an idiot. I do have an appointment to open an account and then I can apply for benefits which I will definitely do. My plan is to try and bare it until the contract is up on our current rental home, which is just under a year and that should give me time to get myself financially independent. But honestly today after crying in loo I was thinking to myself that I’m mad, he’s an absolute cluster-b what am I doing trying to stick this out for a year?! I think because he doesn’t hit us I feel a level of safety. If I can financially stable without having to rely on charities or the government (not that there is anything wrong with that… I still might end up having to), but surely it would better to not have to, if I can just stick this out for a bit. My plan is also if after the contract is up here that if I still haven’t got my sh*t together then I will admit myself and the kiddos to refuge. I don’t know my head is a whirlwind trying to come up with the best solution.

[KIP.]

I would speak to a solicitor? Most offer a free initial session. That may make your decision easier.

[Anonymous]

Once you realise what the situation is that you are in, its almost like you have to go through a process to be able to deal with it all. Just because someone doesnt hit you it doesnt mean that they aren’t abusive. Abuse takes many forms. Even if he isn’t abusing you (which I’m not suggesting is the case) – you’re not happy are you? You’ve had a taste of freedom and you have seen what your life would be like without him and it was good.

I would honestly suggest speaking with the helpline and with a solicitor as KIP suggests.

Good luck and keep posting xx

[MamaLala]

Thank you… I have been in contact with my local womens charity for a little while now and seeking legal advice hasn’t been mentioned. Don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself. I am fully aware that my children and I are victims of emotional abuse. I’m just trying to figure out the best exit so thank you for your replies 🙂

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