Newcomer

[Onapathtohealing21]

Hi All,

I’m new on here. I have been out of my relationship with my ex for just over (removed by moderator) months now. He already has his ex back and moved in, which he decided to contact me over Christmas whilst I had covid and tell me all about.

I feel ashamed I responded, I had done over (removed by moderator) no contact by the time he contacted me and been struggling to do consecutive days no contact since.

I still struggle with it all, wonder why he couldn’t just get his act together and how easy I was to treat badly, leave no time to regret and go straight back to the very person he told me he couldn’t wait to get away from only a (removed by moderator) before.

I hope you all had a nice Christmas and New Year

[Wants To Help]

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum, you are among friends here who understand you perfectly 🙂

Your ex is playing games with you and does not care about you. He is also playing games with his ex. Have you ever heard of ‘triangulation’? He is using her to make you jealous in the hope that you will go running back to him before you ‘fear’ you have lost him for good. What he is doing is all about himself and with no care, thought, consideration or feeling for you or the other woman. He is probably hoping that the two of you will have a fight of some sort over him – just to boost his ego. He is a man who can’t be on his own and will use a woman just to satisfy his needs and ego.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. Going ‘no contact’ is very hard to do and to do it for as long as you did is great. You know you can do it, so now you need to implement it again and stick to it. Understand what he is really like, see him for what he is. If he was really happy with his ex then why has he reached out to you to let you know all about it? Do you think he will have told her what he was doing? I pity that woman who has moved back in with him, whereas, with you, I am pleased you are not with him and haven’t gone back to him. She is living with a man who is a lying, deceiving manipulator.

Your future is with someone else. You may have no idea who he is because you may not have met him yet, but leave the last one in your past in 2021. Read up on abuser behaviour, manipulation, trauma bonding, gas lighting and the cycle of abuse. If you have no children with him, no financial ties, and are able to literally cut yourself free, then by understanding the cycle of abuse you will be able to do this faster than most of us.

I hope you’re over your Covid now,

xx

[Onapathtohealing21]

That’s annoying I just wrote a big reply and it dissapeared before I could send it.

Thank you for replying to me.

I am more aware of it now you have mentioned it. I know that when he says he still loves me and wants me that he’s just trying to confused me which worked. It also hurt me and I know he probably did that on person to get my attention.

He has text me and called me since being with her and told me he still wants me and that she’s second best. I do pity her too and did try warning her about the game he played with us both bbefore but it didn’t come to fruition. It’s disgusting the things he’s said to me since being back with her and I asked him if that’s how he spoke to her when he was with me!

I am lucky that I don’t have any kids with him as I can only imagine how much harder that would be. I had one tie to him but managed to sort that out so now I am free. I still find it hard not sleai with him as I want the person I fell on love with to respond to me but I have to remind myself that person wasn’t real.

I will keep trying to hold on to better things and hopefully make my no contact last longer than before.

I am feeling much better thank you and thanks for listening to me x

[AstraVw]

Hey there. Hope you weren’t too ill with covid. Sounds like your ex is playing some sort of game to make you jealous. You deserve so much better. Don’t let him suck you in. Ignore/block and move on 🙂 I’m new here too!

[Onapathtohealing21]

Hi Astra,

Thanks for messaging me.

I wasn’t as bad as the time before thankfully.

I have blocked him again now, I still feel myself checking sometimes to see if he’s still around and messaging me. I know I shouldn’t but I think I just do it out of habit.

Welcome to the group 😊 x

[Anonymous]

Aw he’s playing mind games with you it’s triangulation it’s all one big game to them whoever they can lie to manipulate and drain for selfish egocentric reasons ( ooh look at me look how much people want me love me) they’re just delusional, I doubt she’d be with with if she knew what he’d said but they say the same things to whoever they need to , don’t blame yourself you had a vulnerable moment your probably still raw and confused from what he did + how he treated you, it’s just one big sick mind game they can lie so naturally they’d probably pass the detector, your normal your human you have empathy forgiveness love feelings these people don’t they’re predators/vultures/parasites just playing the part of human, you’ll be ok you’ve learned now you know the signs of someone who could possible be a n********t you know what to steer clear of in the future, ps never change your lovely traits 💜💞💜

[Onapathtohealing21]

Hi Auriel,

Thanks for messaging.

I know you are right. I know that he will treat her like c**p, he did before nothing will change this time around. I know that whoever he gets with in future behind her back more than likely will also eventually see him for who he really is as his mask doesn’t last long from my own experience.

I think there is always self doubt in my mind thinking maybe he could change, maybe I wasn’t the right person to change for and someone will be better. But I know I tried so very hard to explain logic and reasoning to him, to show him that’s not how you love someone and I know that I shouldn’t have had to teach him any of those things to begin with. Especially lessons in respect which he had none of. Well intermittent. When I was or wasn’t giving him what he wanted.

I will move on from this completely eventually. Now I just need to work on myself. Thanks for you r kind words x

[Author]

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