Nice "period"?

[Celeste]

Hi all,

I have only recently (with the help of some ladies online) realized I am in an abusive relationship. The abuse I’ve experienced is:

> comments on (“skimpy”) clothing.
> isolation from friends. female friends are s***s, male friends only want to sleep with me. only being allowed to hang out with one friend. having to cut contact with male friends.
> accusations of flirting/cheating.
> being forced into doing something or guilt tripped out of doing something.
> limited choice in what i do, where i go.
> financial control.
> stalking online.
> household demands.

I have tried to leave on a few occassions but each time I was promised he would change. I am working through leaving but everytime I try he becomes the guy I always wanted. Buys me gifts, takes me out, takes care of my physical needs, compliments etc. It gets me all confused and “maybe he’s changed this time”.

I’m just wondering if anyone can give me insight or tell me their experiences with this “nice period” in their relationships? Anything that will persuade me that he really hasn’t changed and I’m wasting my time?

[backtome]

I think this is part of the cycle. I have learned that it never changes, not really. I used to try to get him out and he’d be the perfect person for a while, then he’d get comfortable again and he’d go back to his old ways. The only way to break this is to have as little contact as possible, that’s what I’ve started to do which is really difficult as we have a young daughter.

Listen to your instincts and trust yourself, he’s abusing you and the being nice is all part of the head-games they play. You could call the helpline on here or I found my local domestic abuse organisation really helpful. x

[endoftherainbow]

Hello Celeste, Firstly, good on you for realising what’s going on, I think the fact its happened more than once tells you that its not going to change, if they know there is a problem, and promise to stop/change and don’t then they are not going to. The “nice period” is to lull you, make you forget the bad things, till next time. It took me many years to eventually leave my husband for good, after every “row” we would have a nice period, whisked away for a holiday, that would be so I couldn’t leave, meals out, treats, he would be wonderful, but only till next time, and I think sadly, Im right in saying, there will always be a next time. The fact you are realising this, means you are probably not totally happy, and you should be, its hard to leave, and difficult to stay away, but it can be done, there is so much help out there, every step of the way, and things do get better. I think the worry is that the abuse tends to escalate, if they get away with it, the “nice period” doesn’t even happen in the end, they think its there right to behave like this……..good luck to you xx

[KIP.]

Google ‘cycle of abuse’ and lovebombing. It would be good if you could visit your local womens aid. They can explain how the mind games work. The jeckyl and Hyde personality. The good parts are fake designed to reel you back in. It never changes x

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