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    • #63302
      Sunflowersandstars
      Participant

      Hi does anyone have any tips for helping with nightmares? Last night it was constant and even waking up in between and grounding myself and thinking of something else when going back to sleep wasn’t helping. Ive been actively working on my thoughts throughout the day but feel they are all just coming out in nightmares now. I should get my first counselling session in the next couple of weeks but anything that might help in the meantime would be much appreciated.
      SaS

    • #63312
      puzzledatlife
      Participant

      Hello, I have suffered the same and I didn’t find any remedy. Had some recurrent for 2 years after being in the relationship from which I had my first child.
      Then recently I had nightmares again after this break up.
      The only thing for me has been time. I learnt through counselling that sometimes nightmares are not just re experiencing the trauma, they can be a warning about what we can do to ourselves. I was having constant nightmares of men chasing and wanting to kill me. The counsellor told me that in The dream we are the dreamer so we are both characters. The one who tries to escape and the one who abuses. I started exploring the ways in which I may put myself at risk in real life, how I am the one who choses abusive men and why.
      However that process of understanding helped only to an extent. Just had to take time to soothe. Be patient take the time it takes.
      I will read this thread in case someome has.more effective techniques.x

    • #63317

      Hello there,
      Just perhaps some practicalities. It is not nice at all to wake up in the middle of the night after a nightmare and be on your own. Difficult to phone friends in the middle of the night if you are on your own, and so don’t forget you can phone Samaritans on freephone 116 123. You may not want to tell them the content of the dream, but even so you can talk until you feel okay about going back to sleep.

      As difficult as it is, I try to accept my own dreams as a working through of strong emotions. It may seem weird to some, but I try to say to myself ‘thank you brain for trying to work this out’. Just a habit I have which is trying to encourage self love and loving my body for trying to make sense of experiences.

      You might try journaling, which I have tried on occasion, put dates on descriptions of dreams so that you can look back and see how the trends change.

      I found sometimes if I had a quiet period of life, things tended to come up and I tried to accept that I was processing. I think all this is very personal, so I’m not at all offended if any of these things are not relevant to you, but wanted to send a hug anyway
      all best
      ftc
      x

    • #63377
      Ayanna
      Participant

      I have been experiencing them for years.
      Just recently I screamed again in my sleep. I screamed at the top of my voice and woke up shaking.

      What I do is wrapping myself in a warm blanket to make myself feel held. I also hold a soft cushion and press it against my chest. This calms me down.

      My poor cat is on the run when this happens.

    • #63423
      Sunflowersandstars
      Participant

      Thank you, I’m really hoping once I start counselling and get things out that things will improve, I will try the above tips, thanks ladies.
      SaS

    • #63679
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      I really can relate just last night woke shouting for help only vague memory of why, but heart pounding and body shaking, men invading me, getting in to my home attacking me in every way, or being cruelly sarcastic and demeaning laughing, its horrendous.

      I often get them if there is anxiety around in the day. Theres a man intimidating me in RL at the moment that lives opposite and that causes me nightmares. Also talking about stuff with counsellor can bring things up.

      I have a light on and radio have animals and a teddy! Have cosy blanket. Often have to do things quite fast to distract myself whether it’s moving limbs or counting or playing a concentration app to distract, its whatever works. You will find what works best for you as you go along, but anything soothing very distracting or,yes, 116123 always there to listen if talking is the way.

      Warmest wishes ts

    • #63778
      Appleblossom
      Participant

      Time, and lots of it. Also, acknowledge these nightmares as a healing process. Believe at some point they will part of the past.

      I’ve not had some for a while, but I was getting them very regularly. They were really intense, and would
      Knock me back for a few days. Those days are tough, but be kind to yourself, treat yourself nicely, have some lovely smelliest, wear your favourite clothes, see or speak to some dear friends and know that YOU ARE AWESOME.

      Much love and hugs. It DOES get better. Still have the odd off day, but it does I promise xxxxx

    • #64115
      Sunflowersandstars
      Participant

      Thank you ❤️
      SaS

    • #64156
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Prescription drugs. Sleeping pills helped me a great deal when the nightmares were at their worse. When they just woke me up screaming. Can’t have that. Need my sleep.
      Then switched to antidepressants. I still do have troubles falling asleep, intruding images drowning me as soon as I close my eyes and I got the advise that I just have to leave them be there beside me instead of trying to pushing them away like I wanted to.
      Like a plastic ball you try to keep under water it takes much effort and it will only bounce back up with more power.
      So let the ‘ball- nightmares’ be there beside you, floating in the water, you can shortly describe what you see and feel and ask it to step aside because you need space to swim. It did work for me. For this week at least.
      Hope it makes sense, it’s a metaphor.

    • #64162
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Dear Puzzledatlife

      I really hope you get to read this because I have serious concerns about your counsellor. What a f*****g pileof c**p she spouts!

      I am sorry, buthavnt you sffered enough without her telling you you are also the abuser!!

      Doesn’t anyone else find that appalling or is just that a counsellor is victim-blaming this way.

      These are not just your common or garden nightmares, these are a reliving of trauma where you are terrified and pursued by your ex!

      I so sorry to cut across your thread sunflowersandstars 🙄

      But having read again I couldn’t just walk on by.

      Am I being out of order?

      I am agreeing with hopelifejoy that meds did hep me at lot, so does time and her metaphor looks worth trying

      I just hop puzzledatlife might see this.

      Nothings change at all if a counsellor can talk to a traumatised survivor this way. 😣

    • #64208
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Puzzledatlife, are you still on here to read this?

    • #64264
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Puzzledatlife has been told that she is responsible for the abuse!!

      That somehow she wanted this and chose to be with an abuser, on so many levels how wrong!

      If he rocked up and declared he was gonna terrify her, control her, etc, or any of us, they wouldn’t get very far, and I’m sick of hearing women implicated in abuse.

      Why?! Just why?!

      Wth.

      They take strong women and pull on all their reserves of pity and caring, guilting, and gas-lighting.

    • #64408
      Tiredone
      Participant

      I get nightmares a lot but they come in batches (if that makes sense). I was OK for a while but now they are back and they hurt (weird, right). I can feel pain in my nightmares. The only thing that has helped me when I wake up from them is listening to podcasts or audiobooks. Being read to really helps soothe me and helps me focus on the narrator and not on my rising panic.

      I don’t know if other ladies have experience this but since I left my ex, I can’t read. I can’t concentrate long enough to take in what I am reading because my mind is always racing/on high alert. I used to love reading and was so sad when I couldn’t get to the end of the page, let alone a book. Audiobooks has solved that problem and has helped me sleep again. When I left my ex I downloaded the entire series of Harry Potter. I hardly slept because the nightmares were so bad but listening to Stephen Fry’s voice was the only thing that kept me sane at 4am. Audible is a good app for books. I’m sure there’s lots of deals on so you could get a free book.

      Podcast recommendations:
      – There is a new podcast that I am listening to at the moment, which isn’t triggering and quite interesting, called ‘Stuff You Should Know’. It’s by two American guys (one has an annoying voice but you get used to it after a while). It’s been going for 10 years so there are lots of hour long episodes to listen to and they talk about a variety of topics. I learnt about roundabouts and ballpoint pens (surprisingly interesting), recycling, floods, diabetes, Genghis Khan, the pills, vaping, junk food, spiders, water slides… There are more interesting topics on there so maybe have a look.
      – My Dad Wrote a Porno made me belly laugh in a way I hadn’t for many, many years. It’s very silly. There is a lot of talk about sex but it’s ridiculous so hopefully won’t be triggering.
      – Dessert Island Discs
      – Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4

      Hope this helps a bit.

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