This topic contains 7 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 1 week ago.

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  • #87618
     lostgal 
    Participant

    Hi fellow survivors and wonderful women
    As some of you may know recently has been a very bleak and hard time I’ve been on the decline. I’m trying to stay active with my friends, do my yoga, meditation, reading and general getting out but its becoming painful! Even when I think for a minute I’ve escaped his awful memories and thoughts I haven’t even seeing someone who slightly resembles him makes me physically sick (stomach does summersaults), shake and anxious. To make matters worse recently I’ve had about 3/4 nightmares in the past week all different each time about him abusing me in some way again. So now I can’t even escape him in my sleep when I eventually do sleep! I feel like even though he’s out of my life mentally I’m still suffering extremely and its getting worse. This worries me 🙁 I fear anyone who looks like him it makes me sick and uncomfortable and it brings back the worst years of my life! I just want it to stop! I just want to feel normal I don’t even know how to feel I don’t know what’s right and wrong anymore because of him. What do I like or what was him making me I don’t know will I ever know what’s me again? Will he ever leave me fully in my dreams and when I see someone who looks like him? Or am I trapped feeling like this?

    lostgal xox

  • #87623
     KIP. 
    Participant

    What you’re feeling is normal and it sounds like post traumatic stress. Have a word with your GP and get some good therapy going. The therapy will help you deal with the symptoms until your brain sorts out the trauma. Your brain is still on high alters and no wonder (google amygdala). It’s going to take a while to get the trauma out your system. In the meantime, therapy can teach you how to deal with and lessen the impact of the trauma and triggers. You can and will recover from this x

  • #87624
     colouringinfairy 
    Participant

    You poor thing, I go through exactly the same – just last night I had a nightmare about him, it really messes up your day. Do you have a good therapist you can talk to? One I had a while back gave me an exercise of forcing myself to think of anything other than him before I fall asleep – reading a book, watching tele, listening to a podcast can help that and has for me. But at the end of the day it will still happen from time to time and it’s awful, but feel happy that it is only happening in your nightmares now and not in real life. You’ve got so much to look forward to now that you’re free, and in time these nightmares will slowly start to be less and less x

  • #87638
     Fudgecake 
    Participant

    I also go through this too. It’s very unsettling and sets you back. I’m going through a low patch atm and not sure if it’s because I’ve started dreaming of him. Ironically when I was still with him I never dreamt of him. Every so often I’ll be outside in the garden and get a very vivid feeling/ thought that he’s going to appear at the garden gate. I hope we can push them out of our minds soon, they have no business there. Be gone from our dreams!!

  • #87723
     lostgal 
    Participant

    I’m so sorry that yous have to go through this too its not a nice feeling at all! KIP I was concerned that I have got PTSD and have been putting off talking about it as I feel like the list of things wrong with me is getting bigger! but today I was brave I’ve made an appointment to speak to my doctor about these issues and see if she thinks its PTSD and if it is if she can help!
    Colouringinfairy and Fudgecake I’m sorry to hear that you’s experience this too because I know how scary the dreams can be or the fear of him turning up. My therapist has referred me to a domestic abuse thing but unfortunately that means I am no longer under her care so technically I don’t have a therapist anymore. Unfortunately when I’m in that moment and I fear someone looks like him and the memories come back its a downward spiral and I honestly don’t know what will help if anything.
    You’s are very right they have no business being in our heads anymore we are free so he needs to leave every part of me! I just hope it doesn’t take that long to get there as it’s a struggle to cope right now 🙁

    Thanks for your responses you are all amazing ladies and I can’t thank you enough. I hope we can all be happy and free one day we deserve that at least! Hope you’s are doing okay as well!
    lots of love
    lostgal xox

  • #87726
     Lightness 
    Participant

    Hi lostgal
    I felt like that too. It will pass in time. As the hypervigilence reduces and as time passed you will get better. The memories will lose their power over you. Your reactions at the moment are normal given the trauma you have experienced x

  • #87727
     Lightness 
    Participant

    Keep doing the yoga and meditation. Make sure you spend time with people who validate what you have experienced and who help you feel safe X

  • #87737
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Well done for making that appointment. It’s the right thing to do. PTSD can bring anxiety and depression and depression works against us. Depression doesn’t want us to get better. Just keep pushing past these feelings. It will feel alien to you but just keep pushing past these thoughts. PTSD really messes with us. It’s like being chained to a sleeping Woolf. Or I found it very much like the cycle of abuse, where we can have good times, anxiety then a major crash. Just know that with help the good times get longer and the anxiety shortens until eventually it’s very manageable x keep going x take baby steps x

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