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Don’t feel guilty. This isn’t your fault. You didn’t ask for any of this. Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?
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Cantmakedecisons
I’ve been reading through some of your previous posts and it’s awful stuff. I’m so sorry this had happened. I don’t have alot of advice to offer but if you want to talk or vent then I’ll listen. I’m a couple of days away from making the break and not sleeping good xx
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I’m glad you are doing this and just remember – these people are trained, they have been down this road with others and if you are talking to someone that you don’t like, ask for someone else. I’m sure they are overworked or someone is new or whatever but you have the right to say – I think I need to talk to someone else, too. Just bear that in mind. Ask tons of questions, anything you want to know.
He has put you in this situation. This was so not your doing. So, no, you have no other option. I want to see you happy, healthy, peaceful… This is no way to live. And I know you won’t sleep tonight. I know. I wouldn’t be able to either. You have many good nights and days to come though. This part isn’t pretty and it’s so hard. Anything worthwhile though – is hard. It’s easy to do nothing and to slowly just lay down and die. It’s a miracle we’re even here at all so we might as well have a good go at it, right? We don’t have to be prisoners and slaves, right? Many on this planet have no choice but we – do. That’s a thought to keep in your mind here. You do have that choice. And you are making it!
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I ended up doing mine via 101 online. Still filled out the forms at least 3 times then stopping before finally finding the courage to hit send.
It was terrifying waiting for a reply but they’ve been so nice,I wish I hadn’t waited so long! -
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How did it go @cantmakedecisons? Did you call them? I hope you’re ok. Let us know how it went. X*x.
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If you haven’t made the call yet just ask yourself the question – how can me finding out answers, getting information hurt me? It can only do something good for you, right? Otherwise, not calling is doing what? Sometimes our fear response lies to us just a wee bit.
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Sorry for being quiet.. I’ve sat here all day trying to call. So then I started writing it down and think maybe sending it online might actually be easier?
I feel so sick.
I really worried that he will get bail? What if he does!?
I’m trying to get the children away from the house, so if/when I hit send they don’t witness anything, or when they go to arrest him they are not there. Unsure tho how long it will be before reporting and then taking action.
All these things keep going through my mind and stressing me out!
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If he gets bail, he’ll be able to breach it, and come to your house any time he likes and do what he wants to you. A bit like now. Or he may abide by it and leave you alone.
If you report it online, you can ask officers to attend at a time to suit you late at night so that your children will be in bed asleep, explain it is important they adhere to this, that you have no one they can stay with so you can report it alone, and that any visit to you must be when the children are asleep. You can say if they don’t respect this they will lose your co-operation. You can opt to be contacted by email only, or text message instead of phone call, put all that in the free text.
They will respond quickly though, they won’t leave it days. So if you make the report now they may attend at midnight tonight, if you make it tomorrow they may attend at 10pm tomorrow night. They cannot leave rape reports for days because evidence gets lost, and also, every day he is free he poses a further risk to you.
As soon as they have your first account they will seek to arrest him, asap. You will be a High Risk case and they will actively look for him until they find him. If he’s likely to be at home in bed in the early hours tonight/tomorrow they’ll attend then. If he stays out they’ll attend addresses he’s likely to be at. If they can’t get him tonight at home and he’s at work tomorrow they’ll go to his place of work. It’s a serious offence and he’ll be sought until they get him, it may take an hour, or if he goes in to hiding, it may take some time.
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Hi Iwantstohelp, I hope you don’t mind me jumping in on this thread. Just wondering if you know how likely it is that he might get bail please? xx
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I don’t think he will. I think the Police will apply for a remand in custody (RIC) due to the seriousness of it, but this lady is worried he will get bail. The court may give him bail, which if they do, it is out of the hands of the Police, but still, the court would be taking a huge risk if they do, so I still think he’ll get remanded in custody. His behaviour post-separation is too dangerous and too much of a risk factor to take those chances of bail.
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