This topic contains 7 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  [email protected] 5 months, 2 weeks ago.

  • Author
  • #70084

    I have been doing really well. Then I went bed last night and realised the ex been on my emails, must have had my password saved in his phone. He’s been nosing and even tried logging on to my Facebook (they notified me via email). What’s he playing at? Why can’t he just go away?
    The problem I have is that I just don’t get it. Years together and he behaved so badly the last night that I threw him out. Then he plays the victim and just walked away like I was nothing. There’s me all concerned about him and his mental health, and there’s him concerned about himself and behaving mental! There was no proper closure.
    Did anyone else’s ex just walk
    Away from the relationship?

  • #70110

    I was the one who walked away. I still feel like there wasn’t any closure. Even though I told him I had left because of the abuse even the last time we spoke he was hopeful we’d get back together. He never acknowledged what he did. I don’t think you ever get closure in a normal way with an abuser. Because they manipulate you to the end. You just have to go no contact, and eventually you come to terms with what happened. That’s starting to happen for me now. It’s taken a couple of years of no contact and no other abuse.

  • #70127

    My oh says he’s been flung out of better places than this, he can leave at any time, as can I. But it’s all games. I no longer know or really care of he’ll be upset, try to stop me or walk away and he’d be the one to go no contact. He’s done that with his children so why wouldn’t he do it with me. Part of me is distraught that he could do that to me but mostly I like to think I’d welcome it. Time will tell.

  • #70128

    He hasnt walked away or he wouldnt be hacking you emails. This is the trouble with abusers. Be wary of his next tactic which may well be to hoover you back in. As for closure, I once read that ending an abusive relationship is like he just walked away and died. You do not get the kind of closure you’re looking for because abusers are not reasonable people. It will all be twisted back into you. Any yes, playing the victim is also what they do to Oscar winning levels. My ex has an assault conviction, was investigated by the police over hundreds of rapes, I have diagnosed PTSD. Am fearful to leave my home some days, was cheated on by him more than once, and the list goes on and on. Yet he portrays himself as a victim. Right down to being depressed. Well where is his diagnosis? Pathalogical dangerous liars. Absolutely zero contact and I would report the hacking to the police. It’s import to log everything they do post separation as it builds a larger picture and a pattern of behaviour.

  • #70164

    Thank you for your replies. I have non mol in place and I have reported the hacking to the police. He can spy on me and hack me all he wants, he has zero chance of me taking him back. To be honest he wouldn’t give me the satisfaction of saying no. He is a complete control freak. He’s so good at playing the victim too. Threats of suicide, depression… you name it, he’s had it or done it. His father was abusive and so was his paternal grandfather. I can see where he gets it from completely. It’s completely learned behaviour with him (check out social learning theory by bandura). Funny thing is that when he’s angry he always spouts out that he’s not a liar and he never lies, even when I haven’t ever accused him of it to his face. He is an compulsive liar!!!

  • #70178

    Change all your passwords, Popilol, please! If you haven’t already, that is. Leave him nowhere to get in. It’s worth looking closely at your privacy settings on social media and even cutting out any mutual friends who could leave a back door open to him.

    Forget about getting any closure from him; abusers don’t allow it or understand it, or if they do, they’re determined not to give it. You will need to make your own closure your own way, darling.

    You’re nearly clean away now, I think – it’s just the last threads to snip, isn’t it? You’re doing so well!

    Flower x

  • #70180

    Thank you flowerchild. I have changed my passwords and we don’t have an mutual friends, in fact he doesn’t have any friends, not even 1. His main group of friends dropped him when we got together. He told me it was because he didn’t like them and one of the girls pushed him down the stairs. I have now been told that he pushed her down the stairs and that is why none of them spoke to him. So many lies, so many twists to his tales.
    I worry that he won’t let things go, that he will stalk me, on social media or physically. He told me he would bring me down and he didn’t care if he came with me. I am waiting for the eruption as I can feel it bubbling away in him. I have a non mol on him which I know he is going to contest as he doesn’t believe he’s done anything wrong. My closure will be once (detail removed by Moderator) he’s ordered once and for all to leave me the hell alone. He’s left me with scars, not physical ones… psychological ones. Ones that will take years to heal, the worst kind of scars.

  • #70185
     [email protected] 

    Psychological scars are the worst but can be fixed in time ☺Harassment and stalking carries a jail sentence, I know it’s taken very seriously now. I wouldn’t think twice about making sure you’ve got all the right evidence to put him to justice so that you can get on with your life. It makes me so angry that these men think they can get away with treating women like this. It’s very retraumatising ❤

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.


© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account