This topic contains 13 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by  [email protected] 1 week, 1 day ago.

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  • #85587
     Lavenderrose 
    Participant

    I’m looking for a bit of advice. My solicitor advised no contact with my ex also meaning non with our daughter. This was communicated to him by my mum. I has been some weeks since he’s seen our daughter now and he continues to message, call or FaceTime myself and other family members. I am not responding as I was told by my solicitor it could affect applying for a prohibitive steps order.
    Should my family respond? Perhaps with pictures etc? I really don’t want anything to jeopardise my situation so to date no one has responded. What does everyone think? X

  • #85590
     AlwaysSorry 
    Participant

    I really think you need to listen to your solicitor here. And I’d also think about reporting it as harassment as he won’t leave you alone. It’s my understanding that if he really wants to see his daughter, he can start court proceedings himself, however if you already have a solicitor on board perhaps he already has and in that case it’s waiting for that to commence.
    From some of the horror stories I’ve read about these cases, it may not look well on you for having allowed contact if you are claiming abuse. Rather, you keeping your daughter safe and away from him will show that you are protecting her from any abuse. I am not a mother myself and have not been in your shoes but if I were, I would listen to my solicitor and trust they know the process and what is best to do/not to do in order to get the best possible result for both you and your daughter. I think from having read many of your posts that you are such a caring woman, not just a mother, but ask yourself – if the situation was reversed, would he even be entertaining the idea of sending you a photo if he was the one who had your daughter now? Sometimes we want to see the good in them even when there is nothing good to see x

  • #85595
     Lavenderrose 
    Participant

    This is how I took it that no contact means none whatsoever with any family members. It’s so hard though as I feel guilty for my daughter. Even his family have been in touch now (detail removed by moderator) but they hadn’t bothered to message me before since I had left him. I guess it’s all part of their plans to make me look like the bad mother for not responding!x

  • #85597
     Yellowflower 
    Participant

    The guilt lies with him his the one that abused the mother of his child. The topic of no contact in regards to when you have a child together does baffle me because the I have heard people say the courts can say your alienating the parent.

  • #85601
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    Hold fast to your truth you’ve been advised by the solicitor not too have contact for now. Stick to this advice. I’d ignore him as above says he’s been abusive so your protecting your child simple as that. You won’t be alienating her you’ll be offering safe contact that’s all. He’s been abusive so it will have to be supervised contact. Your stills offering and that’s once courts happened and that’s more than reasonable stand your ground. Maybe the court order could state when communication is requires it is to do with arrangements and do it through the third party. When men/fathers are abusive you have to draw the line because if you give these men an inch they take a mile xx 😘

  • #85602
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    His behaviour has brought you to this point no one else xxxx

  • #85603
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    The difference is if HE had been reasonable in this situation you could have approached this differently. But you’ve had no choice in drawing the line and solicitor agrees. The court will be looking for your consistency in express you think and know he is a liability xx this needs structure the contact with these guys in my experience has to be rigid with no loop holes xx remember if he says your alienating your child against him this is projecting what he will do. If you look st how these men alienate your friends and family or try too they do this with the kids too so don’t underestimate them on this xx

  • #85606
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    Unreasonable sorry!

  • #85607
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    Ignore the last bit sorry phone playing up! X

  • #85704
     Lavenderrose 
    Participant

    Thanks diymum.
    I feel think I’m on a constant pendulum of emotions all the time. Ultimately I am protecting my daughter but he’ll never understand that. He doesn’t even believe he’s an abusive person. In fact his friends have told him he’s had a lucky escape…..that’s really playing on my mind.
    And then just like that back to reality we have (detail removed by moderator). I’m scared! X

  • #85718
     Flowerchild 
    Participant

    Ultimately, though, it will be your reality – the family court’s reality – that matters, not his fantasy world of denial that he projects to friends and family and tried to keep you captive in.

    The world does not run by his rules. He doesn’t realise that yet and may never accept it, but that cannot be allowed to influence your behaviour and the way you protect your child!

    You do absolutely right to listen to professional advice and stick to no contact. Imagine in court someone saying you put your child at risk by allowing contact or by keeping in touch with the abuser!

    No contact is the way to go and if family on either side thinks you’re hard-hearted, tough. You’re in charge here, not them! The child’s wellbeing must come first. Parents have responsibilities, not rights.

    Well done you; stay strong for yourself and your child.

    Flower x

  • #85736
     Lavenderrose 
    Participant

    Thanks flower x
    We are so much happier for not having to deal with him but I know long term he’ll always be in our lives. I can already see some improvements with our daughter but there’s still a long way to go.
    My family and friends fully support no contact as the feel his behaviour to date doesn’t deserve the right to see his child. He’s put us all through absolute hell lately.
    It’s so hard knowing that he’s spun some twisted story to everyone he knows about me. He’ll stop at nothing I’m sure!
    (detail removed by moderator)x

  • #85763
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    no dont worry they wont grill you xx (court details removed by moderator)

  • #85764
     [email protected] 
    Participant

    (detail removed by moderator)

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