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    • #82263
      Woollymammal
      Participant

      After checking the housing list again and nothing for me, I have exhausted private renting, as either they don’t accept was or pets, or 1 or the other..
      It’s 5th day now just barely having 1 meal a day, mind you it won’t hurt losing some weight, not sure it’ll do my diabetes any good ..( but newly diagnosed so don’t know a lot about it)
      And yes I’m sad to say I am feeling sorry for myself…
      I could move out of this city but when my daughter was killed I was away so I can’t be far away from my children…
      I want to be positive but I try, it’s just too hard for my brain..
      I was thinking I could leave my dogs with my daughter and give her the little money I’ve saved to help with food… leave my cat at my sister’s..
      And go be with my angel daughter.. I asked for so much help with my illnesses, when my daughter was killed, I reached my arms out asking please bring her home..when I was going to lose our home because I was so ill.. I asked for help..
      I’m not sure why I’ve been left on this earth, when I had cancer why didn’t I die instead of my daughter being killed..
      I don’t know, I’m just so fed up of fighting.. I can only get up so many times..I just want to stay down and sleep…

    • #82270
      KIP.
      Participant

      No no no no. What you’re looking at is a long term solution for a short term problem. Pick up the phone to the Samaritans. Have you spoken to your GP about grief counselling and counselling for domestic abuse. I contemplated suicide many many times but what often stopped me was that I would not give him the satisfaction. I could just imagine him saying, look what Ive had to put up with all these years, I told you it was her fault’. I know it feels overwhelming but break it down into small pieces. How do you eat an elephant? One teaspoon at a time. This will pass. We drag ourselves onwards, till our brains recharge. Can you go stay with your sister for a while. Just a taster and see how you feel away from your current environment.

    • #82283
      Fudgecake
      Participant

      Woollymammal I wish I could give you a big hug but I will keep you in my thoughts.
      You are still here because you are meant to be and many people love you. KIP has offered good advice once again… break this down into small achievable pieces. As with all things in life “This too shall
      Pass” and we learn and get stronger. You are here, you are strong and you will survive this. X*x

    • #82291
      AlwaysSorry
      Participant

      Please don’t act on these thoughts. I think many of us have had these thoughts and know the pull they can have on us, but please don’t act on them. Reach out to the help organisations if you feel the urge to act. Your life is priceless. Second by second you can get through this, sometimes that’s all we can do, take it second by second and that’s ok – because we keep going and so will you. You have gone through so much hurt in life, you deserve to see this through to find your own place where you can finally live in peace and be allowed to grieve properly. I want to read about your journey from here to finding your own place, so please keep posting and hang in there.

    • #82293
      maddog
      Participant

      Oh Woollymamal, you sound terribly depressed. Please keep on posting. You are not alone however miserably lonely it might feel. I too wish I could give you a hug and make it all go away.

      The loss of a child is devastating. Awful beyond awful.

      I hope this doesn’t sound really stupid but are you able to speak out loud or is your speech becoming slow with a jumble of racing thoughts?

      Please keep breathing. Phone the Samaritans. If you feel that bad, dial 999. Can you get yourself to be with someone else?

      Thinking of you.

    • #82304
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Woollymammal

      I just wanted to show you some support, I can see that you have already had very supportive replies. I agree that it would be a good idea to speak to your GP and the Samaritans about how you are feeling.

      I’m not sure if you have called the helpline already,but I think it may be helpful to call them again and discuss your options.

      You have been through so much and it’s understandable that you feel this way. You will get through this and you have a family that really needs you.

      Please keep posting to let us know how you are.

      Take care

      Lisa

    • #82367
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Hi Woollymammal, I want to send you a big comforting hug as well honey, you’ve done incredibly well by writing here.
      You’ve been through so much adversity in your life, you’ve demonstrated such strength to keep going through it all, fighting cancer, abuse and loosing your daughter, it’s been one ordeal after an another, any normal human being would have collapsed but not you, you kept going, you are a real tiger, a heroine. I believe the next part of your life got to be peaceful by default just to balance the scales out.

      Can you imagine your new life to be filled with peace, safety and freedom, to own the freedom and the right to enjoy the company of your family, of your pets AND share the joy of it all with your angel daughter, through the wind, the leaves, a warm ray of sunshine, the sight of flowers, the chatter of birds?
      Life can be peaceful, full-filling and pleasant for you here on earth, I believe it strongly for you.

      Can you please do a small physical exercise?
      Take in some deep breaths. Move up your arms at the same time. This will clear your lungs, remove a lot of the heaviness in your mind, bring in new oxygen to your brain and relax your entire body.
      Then pray honey. Pray for what you would need at this moment to take away your worry, what would it take to resolve the issue you are dealing with right now?

      Also; can you find out who are the most practical action driven persons you know? Call them. Ask these persons to help make it happen for you. Get support to move heaven and earth to get yourself into safety, together with your pets.

      Please don’t feel guilty for reaching out and asking for support even if you have done so in the past, I can understand that you might feel you’re stretching the limit of the (family) support, but no amount of support will exceed limits for somebody who is loved and you are so dearly loved, you would do it for them in a heartbeat + it indicates tremendous courage to even ask for help.

      Pls do call above suggested numbers, it gives one relief to be able to talk to a kind understanding capable person.

      Meanwhile rest plenty and keep hydrated ok.

      Sending you hugs. Keep posting beauty.

    • #82947
      Woollymammal
      Participant

      Thank you all for your support, my head is still thinking of those dark thoughts.. my letting agency has been bombarding me with calls to sign a six or 12 month contract..after the 1st 6 month contract ended it’s just been a month to month contract.. why suddenly 5 months after that ended have they decided they want this..
      I had a terrible thought as WA have nor sent my homeless application (detail removed by moderator) .. have the council contacted the letting agents.. are they aware I might be going..
      I called my local WA and said would the council have called my letting agents.. they said I shouldn’t think so, but she’ll email the council to tell them not too..
      How could this not already been in place already, surely the council should know not to do this, putting me in danger..And if they haven’t and it’s just coincidence, why hadn’t WA already made council aware not too?
      I am in panic mode… as if I wasn’t already the lowest I could be..
      No one knows how long the council will take, there’s a back log..
      How much more longer can I wait… I’m at my wits end, constantly relying on people who could put my life at risk.. while all the time having to be a yes person and still getting bombarded with emotional and financial abuse..
      Xx

    • #83086
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Woollymammal

      What a stressful time, i just wanted to show you some support. I really hope you don’t have to wait to much longer to get something from the council, being in limbo is awful, hopefully your WA support worker is doing all she can to help you.

      We are here for you, let us know how you are doing.

      Take care and keep posting

      Lisa

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