No light at the end of the tunnel

[Darknessallaround]

Lashing out verbally is all he can seem to do at the moment. It’s never physical, it doesn’t need to be, I don’t cope well with bad moods, swearing and shouting. But he winds me up to such a point where I raise my voice because I can’t keep it inside any longer, then it’s me who’s in the wrong. He then blames me for upsetting him even if it’s me who ends up feeling ill.
He’s used the situation over the last couple of years to restrict me going anywhere. I was almost climbing the walls those first few months. Now I’ve got so used to being indoors all the time and not seeing anyone, I don’t really like venturing out. When (if) we do start going out again and I can’t face it, the last (detail removed by moderator) years will be forgotten, it won’t be his fault, it’ll be mine.
I know I should just try not to react, be the bigger person and walk away (except he will follow me to carry it on). But several decades of this behaviour has taken it’s toll.
(detail removed by moderator)

[KIP.]

I was exactly where you were for decades. You can beat this. The mental abuse was far worse than the physical. Contact your local womens aid for support. I became an absolute shell of myself. He wanted me at home while he was out cheating and spending our money. Ring the national domestic abuse helpline. There is help out there so reach out. The physical abuse will come when the mental abuse doesn’t satisfy him or you push his boundaries.

[nbumblebee]

Ahhh sweetie I hear you I really do and am here with you.
One thing that I am learning is that there is hope there is a light, the sun always shines its always there in the sky, some days its covered with such thick dark cloud we cant see it but it is there if we look hard enough, hope is the same its always there but sometimes we have to look harder.
Living this way is s**t theres no other word for it. But there is help out there and only you can ask for it only you can reach for it once you do that once you make that choice to ask for help you will no longer be alone you will have the tools to help you in this s**t journey.
Sending you lots of love and hugs sweetie you are not alone and you are so much stronger then you know xxxx

[Darknessallaround]

@KIP “The physical abuse will come when the mental abuse doesn’t satisfy him or you push his boundaries.”

Given how long we have been together, surely it would have already turned physical if it was going to?

@nbumblebee I don’t feel very strong at the moment, but thank you for your kind words.

[Rainydays]

I read your words and they so struck a chord with me – not a day, week, month goes by when he (partner) isn’t shouting and I mean screaming at me – I work, he is off ‘sick’ – he is so cruel, everything is my fault. The latest is, I should hand over my money, my pensions to him – then he would have money and wouldn’t need to think about working. He has miniscule pension and no savings. (Detail removed by moderator) and I am trying to help them but even that is wrong – I am spending too much time thinking about them when apparently ‘its not my problem’ – yet this girlfriend was there and has been there for me and he knows that, yet now he expects me to cut ties with her at this saddest of times for her. My heart pounds so fast all the time these days, I feel sick and I am scared.
So, my heart goes out to you – I know exactly how you feel …………..
Sorry, this probably hasn’t helped you at all …………………….

[Rainydays]

Beachhut – I read your words and again, struck a chord – he has destroyed so many things in my home – even threw a (detail removed by moderator) across the room, but its all my fault – he had an op so is off sick, but it’s my fault he says he can’t go back to his old job, it’s always my fault – always me …………….. this is my home, rented in my name, why should I run and yet sometimes that looks like the only way – can’t tell anyone, how could you ………… I so understand and admire you ………….

[Hereforhelp]

Darknessallaround, I was where you are.. married for decades and lost myself. I sought help, Womans Aid at first, CAB for advice also helped along with the boom living with the Dominater. It helped me find the strength to stop the abuse by separating. I had no idea what to expect being on my own with 2 teenagers, both of which have been mentally affected by their dad’s behaviour (he tries to continue from a far now as he wants to get to me still).

The mental abuse was much harder than physical abuse (I had fled a physically abusive partner when I was younger, that was so much easier due to my age back then and because I knew it was wrong for him to hit me, mental abuse is manipulation, emotional abuse is harder to understand or in my case even realise it was happening).

Keeping a journal also helped me recognise patterns of behaviour and to recognise abuse.
I started wiry the first abusive episode I remembered. Then the worst I remembered and then the last time he abused me. A DA worker told me that was a good way to start as I really didn’t know where to start. You need support and advice, knowledge is power ❤

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