7th April 2016 at 1:37 pm #13170
As most of u know I really struggle with my eldest , am asking my family for support and guidance but not getting no positive response . Just spoken to my sister and ended up diagreeing , she goes I use the d v witness as an excuse for my son behaviour , and he chooses to behave that way as that’s all his seen and learnt of best my ex, I went to explain how this is why he needs help to change his behaviour . She goes his misbehave because I can’t control him . When I ask her for her advice or guidance she goes I have none , she said I’m getting upset for no reason and can keep my attidue to myself and respect whatever rules our dad set in house as not mine … Wow Thxs a lot , I just ended up saying bye and she goes I’ve got better things to do then take this off u , don’t know why u so bothered about studying further just take any job . I’ve got a job anyway and am trying to improve my future , don’t know what they have against me studying , if they don’t want to fine but why stop me trying to achieve , I have had my house taken off me and have to start again so why shouldn’t I try , I didn’t say that just thought that , she just went onto say everyone has hard times and deals with it ….has totally furirated me who said I’m not trying to deal with this . Days like this u just think which scenario is worse dealing with ex or dealing with kids effects after
7th April 2016 at 3:15 pm #13178AnonymousInactive
Hi there I’m sorry your finding it all so hard still. I think doing a course to improve yourself is amazing. Please don’t let your sisters attitude stop you.
7th April 2016 at 5:27 pm #13184Eve1Participant
It’s that thing of not understanding unless you’ve been through it. Sometimes people who you’ve always felt close to and who you’ve had support from, just don’t get it. You should definitely keep on doing your study for you. Sorry your sister is so unhelpful.
7th April 2016 at 8:08 pm #13194
well my sister text me later saying she doesnt want to fall out with me shes just upset that first ex did this to me and now my son is doing to me, i just replied your entitled to your opinion we all think differently and left at that, to make it worser my younger son revealed to me that my dad had said to him maybe i should of just stayed in town where is ex from and get a place there, just feel like sh*t, this is exactly what ex said would happen my family would get fed up of me within (detail removed by Moderator) months of being here, guess what this is my (detail removed by Moderator) months and it feels like his words have come true, why is it u escape the beatings and then still have more pain
7th April 2016 at 9:18 pm #13208AyannaParticipant
After leaving the abuser things often get worse before they get better. I am so glad that you are studying. Well done!
Try to be independent from your family as much as possible. In my experience family hardly helps. They all have their agendas and can make things worse.
My family only had negative remarks when I studied and when I finished they were all shocked. A degree helps with finding work and earning enough to survive, living independently from the useless men. You also set an example for your children to strive hard in life and to achieve.
7th April 2016 at 9:57 pm #13211
yes true colours are starting to show of family members, i am starting to keep my distance, just hard cause i live in my parents house, ive been out nearly (detail removed by moderator) months, i hope it gets better soon, how long before u noticed difference
8th April 2016 at 6:31 am #13228SerenityParticipant
As you know, certain family members have tried to control and interfere in my life, and criticise me as well as even deliberately try to upset me further ( a hard thing to come to terms with- that my own family might be cruel at my hour of need).
What I have done and what works for me is keeping my relationships on a very superficial level with those family members I can’t trust, and not sharing intimate information with them if I can’t trust them not to take advantage of it.
Work out who your support network is in your life, and only share personal info with those people. People need to earn the privilege of you sharing info with them.
Tell people that you are the parent, you wish to parent your children as you think best. That you know your kids best, and are the best person to deal with it, as your kids need to see you as the authority and the person to come to.
Focus on your own goals and studying. Various people in my life ( including my mum and ex) tried to put me off studying and even sabotage it. Well done for studying- how focused and strong you are. You don’t need others’ permission or approval to follow the path you feel is right for yourself. My sister tends to comment on my life: I now tell her that I don’t comment on hers, so could she kindly not do it to me, as she would hate it if people did it to her. That has shut her up a bit. Xxxx
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