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It hasn’t been a bad day as such. After last night he did act exactly how I predicted he would. Of course I was the devil for cooking for him and putting so much pressure on him because his life is so difficult being split between his mummy’s house and mine with our children (who I look after alone). And he’s so hard done to because he feels so guilty that he’s not here to help me… Blah blah blah. I got dragged into another argument over it all but gave up in the end because there’s no point and I have no fight left. My support worker came to see me today which was nice… She’s the third temporary support worker I’ve had since November last year after my brake down. I’ve learned to bottle most of what I feel because I don’t want the mental health team to involve social services… But at the same time- they are my only real hope to building myself back again.
After my support worker came, a friend and her children visited me and then I went out for dinner with family. Aside from him- not a bad day but I’m physically and emotionally drained.
He’s been working out of town again today but said he would come here after work… I try not to agree or disagree with his arrangements and after last night… Well it’s safer to stay quiet. I did suggest it would be easier if he went back to his mums since he won’t be back in town until the early hours anyway.. And then tomorrow id ‘unreasonably expect him to spend proper time with me and the kids’ and he’d say he spent last night here and that I’m putting too much pressure on him and he needs to go back to his mums and he’s sick of being torn… And the whole cycle again lol. I just said go home- I’ll see you when you’ve done what you’ve got to do. I imagine there will be back lash from that too though -
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