18th May 2020 at 9:55 am #103628IwantmebackParticipant
Morning everyone, as most of you know I’m moving into my own place pretty soon. Should be a really good time but it’s marred by my oh’s presence. I think it’s stalking, so will be glad to move away from here. I will pop in now and again, answer any p*s if I have any, but between his behaviour and moving I feel I need to lay low fir a while. I jyst want this to end, and although I see how far I’ve came, this hurdle is so difficult. I’m waking up so early,at least I’m sleeping, I feel sick to my stomach again,have no energy to move anything,takes me all my time to pack the car for one trip never mind 2 or 3.
Anyway, I jyst wanted to let you know why I won’t be as active.
Be safe everyone,always prepare for the worst, if you think something’s not right in your relationship it’s because it isn’t. These men will not ever let go, they’ll dress it up whatever way they can, but to be told I’ll never let you go,is the most chilling thing I think ive heard.
Love to everyone
18th May 2020 at 11:29 am #103646lover of no contactParticipant
Yes a lot of the abusers have that thinking that they will never let us go. That’s part of their dna. But they can think that all they like but it takes 2 to participate so once we don’t engage and stay No Contact we hold the Power. They can say all they like they’ll never let go..but if we’re not around and we ignore their attempts to engage us (this can go on a very long time so we need to stay patient). Chapter 8 ‘Persistence’ from Gavin de Becker’s book “The gift of Fear” has very good advice when dealing with abusers who refuse to let go. In a nutshell.. ignore, block, never engage or give a reaction. The best of luck with your move..you have come so far. I hope he’s not stopping you coming on here because I know if I didn’t link in here I’d quickly become more susceptible to my ex who never gives up on the attempted Hoover’s. Reading the posts on here keeps my No Contact resolve firm and in place despite his attempts to engage me. I wouldn’t trust myself left to my own thinking without this Forums support. Abusers are cunning, baffling and powerful no matter how long you’re been out or in recovery. Well that’s for me anyway.
18th May 2020 at 11:36 am #103649RubymurrayParticipant
Take care of you first x
18th May 2020 at 11:40 am #103650KIP.Participant
Hey I used to dip in and out. I’m wondering if your behaviour is triggered by the fact that you’re moving and doing things without his knowledge or permission.it can be scary when our lives have been all about having to let them know what we are doing and when. It’s brings anxiety feeling because we feel like we are doing something wrong or something that would have got up us in trouble in the past. But you’re not that same woman anymore and he doesn’t deserve to be in your new wonderful home and life. Best of luck and pace yourself. Just make sure the kettle toaster and tea bags are accessible. You’re going to love it. You’re going to settle down and put your own mark on your new home. You’re future starts today x you know you can message me anytime x
18th May 2020 at 11:58 am #103651ChestnutParticipant
Keep safe and don’t let him dare take away your opportunity to make a new start where you are able to put yourself first! I just wanted to say thank you as you were the first person to reply to me after I finally plucked up the courage to post something and gave the validation I needed that I was not mad. Thank you! You deserve to be happy. If he is stalking it needs to be reported, he will not win, you will! X
18th May 2020 at 4:43 pm #103686BraelynnParticipant
You are sooo loved here! So when that energy sags you just think about all your sisters here who if we could would be over in droves and have you moved and sorted in a few hours! I hate those nasty little triggers if only I could cut all them to bits, switchbox and all! We get jolted by them and it drains our juice. You Are moving on and you have come so far. You know what to do and you’re about it. Soon though you will have your life truly back and he’s not allowed. Eye on the prize, take loving care of yourself, pace it at your own speed. When you can watch something funny on youtube. You need to laugh! Big Hugs!
18th May 2020 at 7:33 pm #103706TheydeservethebestParticipant
Good luck 💖 thank you for taking time to reply to me, it’s much valued. I wish you every joy in your new home, I hope you feel better and start to enjoy it xx
18th May 2020 at 9:08 pm #103719EggshellsParticipant
IWMB, wishing you all the very best. I hope your move goes well. I’ll be thinking of you.
I’m thinking of going off grid for abit too, I’m having too many nightmares atm. So many peoples stories remind me of the bad times.
This is such an exciting and positive time for you. Look forward to having you back when you’re ready and hearing how you’re getting on. Lots of love. ❤️
22nd May 2020 at 10:05 am #104051HopeLifeJoyParticipant
Hi IWMB, I wish you all the best with your move. I think KIP hit the nail on the head by thinking your anxiety might originate from you moving on without his permission. That certainly takes enormous courage. Flying out into your new life. It is more than just moving houses for you, it’s the start of a brand new life. The transition might be a little rough and you’ll need time to adjust. Be very kind to yourself and give yourself this time and make your new life and home a safe space for yourself.
Protect yourself and don’t ever tell him your new address, nor give him any new information about your new location.
You’ve got this darling, you really do. We are here for you always. Much love to you 💕🌸😘
22nd May 2020 at 11:46 am #104068FudgecakeParticipant
Good luck in your new home IWMB xx
22nd May 2020 at 4:36 pm #104079Eve1Participant
Good luck IWMB, I am the same, I don’t have the energy to come on here a lot. I’m sure you’ll be back when you’re more settled. Take it easy and enjoy your new place
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