Not coping well today

[PorcelainGrrrl]

I didn’t know the best way to start this one.

I feel a bit pathetic tbh.

I was with my abuser for (detail removed by Moderator) months, we spoke for the last time in (detail removed by Moderator) and it wasn’t good, they said they had nothing left to say to me but, aren’t bitter and still wish me the best. I noticed in (detail removed by Moderator) they unblocked me on a social media platform, even though I know they are in a new relationship and has been since (detail removed by Moderator) weeks after we split up in (detail removed by Moderator). They moved on so fast.

I wasn’t expecting for them to ever unblock me. And it sent my mind to a place of hope, even though it’s impossible for us to ever be connected again because:

A) I would lose all my loved ones, they would not tolerate that person in my life after the trauma they put me through. If I let them back in they’d do it again and I would have to relive a very difficult (detail removed by Moderator) months of grieving.

B) Their intentions wouldn’t be genuine, and any attempt to get me back on side, would be to soothe their ego in someway, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was enough for them to simply get a response from me then they would disappear again.

C) They cannot change.

But all I have wanted for the last (detail removed by Moderator) months is an opportunity to speak, I don’t know where it would go but, I have such a strong desire to say my peace. I still love them. The reality is, if they do reach out, I will have to ignore them. I resolved to keep them blocked on my social media. I deleted their number along time ago but, they may still have mine and I have a gut feeling something will happen soon. Of course that could just be blind faith. And I could be worrying about or hoping for something that will never happen.

I also am finding it so hard, because they have been with their new partner a lot longer than they lasted with me. It’s giving me alot of unhelpful intrusive thoughts, like why did they discard me so quickly, why this other person and not me, why hasn’t their new partner sussed their behaviour out, have they changed for this new person and I am really struggling with that. I’ve tried so many times to reassure myself I shouldn’t be jealous, I should have sympathy for his new victim but, I am jealous, and I struggle with the possibility my abuser could have changed.

If anyone has any words of comfort or can relate I’d really love to talk.

Thanks

[Toastandchocolate]

It is not pathetic to want to feel loved. I was with my abuser for such a long time. Was in denial. He fed off that. He kept it that way.

You were able to get out when you did. The aftermath is still really really difficult.

I’m so sorry for how you’re feeling at the moment. You’re not alone.

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