Not doing ok at all

[longjourneylife]

Can’t get help or support, I’ve got lists of numbers but all the call times available are literally when the kids need me or I have to do something else. I literally went into a room to cry an got 30seconds before someone was waiting something. It’s doing me in, yet still not as bad as were I was at.
I worried its all my fault today. He must be ‘mentally ill’ so I’m the bad guy leaving…he ‘cant do anything forhomself’ yet controlled m, I know he did. Why am I made to feel so bad. Like I abandoned him. I am not doing ok today. Still got a child hanging off me so can’t type much. Nowhere to train. Almost went back to him toda. But couldn’t,he’d probably kill me!

[Twisted Sister]

Hi longjourneylife

Its such a juggling act isn’t it, managing with little ones can be so exhausting, plus you have an abusive ex. Rest rest rest, eat eat eat, sleep sleep sleep!

The good thing about little one is they go to bed long before you so you do get some quiet time to yourself, but a lot of the helplines are down by then, except the national DA line is 24 hrs, and so is Samaritans.

…and there’s always here to post at any time, just to offload when you need to.

As you are away from him, his strategy will be to get to you via other means, just like water, block one leak and another springs. So you need to block him in every way, which includes phone, email, all social media, and to shut down all your SM tight to only friends and no others, and don’t accept randoms who request to be ‘friends’.

Strength for your tiredness and hopes for some rest for you.

warmest wisxhes

ts

[longjourneylife]

Thank you TS. Wish mine went to be early. I have to keep myself awake to make sure they get to sleep before I collapse!
No friends left and off SM in over a mont now. We’ve just dissapeared. Feel like the living dead. I am grateful of course, it could be worse, but still…I am nothing and no one and haven’t bee anything in over a decade. It’s like with or without him, I’m an empty shell. No coming back from it. Just hope my children will have lives, they seem to be doing ok so far, well in fact, so that’s my gift, freedom for them. My work is nearly done X

[Lisa]

Dear longjourneylife,

Thank you for posting to get the support you deserve during such a difficult time for you. It is completely understandable that you’re feeling like this, dealing with all the conflicting emotions of separating and the practical elements. It is normal to question ourselves when trying to work out why on earth this could have happened, but this is Not your fault. The only person responsible for abuse is the abuser. Mental health problems are not a justification. There are lots of people with mental health problems that do not abuse. Abusive behaviour is sadly a choice that a person makes. You are processing right now in these early days, it does get easier.

It sounds like you are doing an incredible job prioritising your children and taking care of them, which is such an all consuming and exhausting role. I really hope at some point soon you can find a little bit of space to take care of yourself, even if just a small moment.

I’m sorry to read that you’re finding it hard to access support when you’re trying to reach out.
Could you try our Live Chat service? It is open 10am-6pm every day and you can chat to a Women’s Aid Support worker in confidence. Perhaps this is something you could manage with your little ones around. They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you.
You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Alternatively, The National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 is open 24 hours a day and it can be easier to get through to someone after 7pm, so perhaps you could try it in the night. I do understand it’s hard to achieve when you’ve got young children with you all the time.

Keep Posting, there’s always support for you here.

Lisa

[Author]

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