9th February 2020 at 10:34 am #97387IndecisiveGirlParticipant
Just want to say Thankyou to those who replied to my last post (for some reason I can’t reply on that thread).
And also, I found out this week that I’m not actually entitled to legal aid because of the equity I have tied up in our joint mortgage property that I’m not even living in:(
I have no job because I moved back to my home county away from our house we had together, and I can’t look for work right now because of my little baby and tbh I don’t feel like I’d be able to even function in a job for a while after everything. My initial solicitor told me I’d get legal aid (and she knew about the equity), so I was abit disappointed this week to be told different by another solicitor in the same company:/
Basically, I now feel like a sitting duck, just waiting for him to make a move regarding contact with our son. Because I can’t afford to pay out for a solicitor. I guess it’s okay, because while ever my ex isn’t coming to see our baby, I don’t need to worry about him taking him from me (he sometimes has threatened to in the past), so I don’t really need a child arrangement order to say our baby lives with me, but just basically have to make sure he never has opportunity to take him. Obviously part of me still worries about this even though I’m telling myself not to:/
Another thing, when I initially left, he told me I couldn’t take our (removed by moderator). So I left it and had to fork out for a new one. But then a few weeks ago, (removed by moderator). So this makes me think, I’d be not interested in like ever having him go stay (obviously I really don’t want him to because I don’t feel he’d be safe), but it just surprises me as the cot was a cot bed (so would last a few years).
So much going round my mind all the time, it’s driving me insane!!
9th February 2020 at 11:28 am #97391KIP.Participant
Try to go zero contact with him and his family. That means not looking on social media too. It will help in your recovery. Also, getting something legal in place will make you feel more secure. I’d definitely challenge the legal aid board. You can ring them yourself or go on their website. The equity in your house you many have to use to pay back legal aid but with a history of abuse I can’t see why they have denied you. Ask your solicitor for the reasons given that the legal aid board refused your application. Are you in benefits? Legal aid is automatically available to people on certain benefits so check that out too. Don’t give up. Are you getting support from women’s aid?
13th February 2020 at 10:20 pm #97672lost and lonelyParticipant
I left my abuser (removed by moderator) years ago and it took us over a year to agree on the sale of the property… the house sold but he refused to comply with the agents which resulted in them calling me to advise they were pulling the house from the market as it wasn’t fair on the buyers who were investing money into the purchase of the house. One thing my solicitor did advise me throughly this process was that as a joint owner on the mortgage and not living there he was entitled to pay me RENT as I was joint owner, yet not living there – this is well worth looking in to! My ex often used the term ‘abandonment’ which meant I was entitled to nothing as I’d walked away from him but my solicitor informed me as a joint owner I could walk away for three or more years and this would not alter my rights, again, it was just a control factor… In the end, I got there. I got what I was entitled to. He changed the locks whilst still having my possessions and name on the mortgage. I called the police who were more than happy to assist to keep the peace. The second I mentioned this to my ex he complied… I got my possessions back and my share of the property… I know have my own mortgage. A kind, loving partner. There is light at the end of the tunnel. As dark as these days seem now, it will all come good… I’m happier than ever and him, well… he’s just still him… If I have the strength to do this, then so do you… And, you won’t regret it… Stay strong and fight for what you deserve. I did and I couldn’t be happier x*x
9th February 2020 at 12:15 pm #97395fizzylemParticipant
I agree, think you only need to get an arrangements order if he starts saying he wants to see the baby, because until then, you have the final decisions for your baby’s care (the power here). You can get safeguards included in an arrangements order, but once he has the baby for his set times, you are pretty powerless in regard to whether the baby goes or not, you’d have to send the baby, and also pretty powerless to what occurs while he has the baby too of course.
Lie low, see what happens.
I would get a third opinion on the legal aid; it is my understanding that you can get legal aid now but that if there is equity, when the house is sold then it needs to be paid back.
It makes absolutely no difference in court who puts in the application first, they will want to hear both sides before making any decisions. So let him go to the bother of sorting this out, all you need to do is respond if it happens.
There are other ways to seek legal advice, it’s easier for sure if you can get a solictor and better to have this person represent you in court, but if this really isn’t possible, then your local WA should be able to direct you to a law advocacy service in your area. Just means you may need to use it a number of times to get all the info you need. There’s also Rights for Women you can call.
Did your GP submitt a letter for the legal aid under ‘domestic abuse’?
9th February 2020 at 12:22 pm #97397fizzylemParticipant
Also, it’s good you are seeing a few solictors anyway, gives you a better idea of what you are looking for; who is the right person for the job – so this is never time wasted, in fact it’s time well spent. Will leave you feeling you found the best person. I had a friend of a friend who worked in family court, I asked her to reccommend the law practice firms in my area that appear to rep well in family court, she came back with two and I took it from there x
13th February 2020 at 10:04 pm #97664IndecisiveGirlParticipant
Thanks so much everyone!❤️
So I actually went and saw a solicitor through WA today and she said they have an arrangement with WA so I can basically book in with them whenever I need reassurance/legal advice.
She told me that the threats he’s making with regards to removing me from our joint mortgage are dumbfounded basically, and that I am within my rights to refuse him taking my baby for unsupervised visits (as he keeps threatening this), and I am entitled to 50% equity of our house when it sells regardless of what he keeps threatening.
So I’m basically going to try have minimal contact, ignore any texts that he sends to try scare me and going to leave the ball in his court.
He hasn’t bothered to come to see our son in the few months since we left, it breaks my heart but I guess he never wanted our baby in the first place (tried to manipulate me into an abortion which I luckily stood up for myself and didn’t do), so why would he put in the effort that he should now.
Thankyou all for all your kind words. They really help and I really do need them.
Having spoken to the solicitor today, I feel stronger/confident in what she has said, but the scary thing is, if he texts me any threats etc I’ll stupidly revert back to believing him above everyonelse which I know sounds stupid:/ I just really need to try break the bad habit of doting on his every word, and his words having so much more weighting than anyonelse’s.
14th February 2020 at 8:37 am #97685KIP.Participant
Yes, that’s what happens with abuse. His beliefs outweigh all others and it takes a while to get out of that pattern. I’d cut all contact with him and give him the number of a friend or family member if he needs to contact you. Absolutely zero contact is how you build your confidence back up. Surround yourself with real people who have your best interests at heart and eventually you will see how he manipulated you. That sounds like a great help from women’s aid. Just take it easy and concentrate on yourself for a while x
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