13th January 2016 at 7:37 am #7660
I am not sure how i am going to word this without giving anything away.
I have my childs birthday coming up, which always fills me with so much guilt, it was a traumatic birth. Eversince he has always nade it clear it was my fault it was my work ect that. Caused it. He never once thought it could be because he continued to hit me or continued to rape me! The day i had my child he raped me whilst waiting for midwife to phone! But no it had nothing to do with his actions! So ever since i have carried the guilt abd every yrar he has reminded me it was my fault.
So this yr i am in refuge he isnt here but i can still hear him reminding me telling me. Abd ontop of that guilt i feel guilty he will miss his childs birthday.
Sorry just needed to say it to someone.
13th January 2016 at 8:12 am #7662SerenityParticipant
Hi There In Need of Peace,
You have been through so much. He sounds truly awful.
Try to remember – when you hear his voice blaming you- that it is all projection. Everything he blames you for, he is really talking about himself. He is guilty of those things, not you.
Raping you on the day you were due to give birth is the ultimate in egocentric sickness. A day that you should have felt at peace and experience a huge rite of passage, he made it all about him and his sick power.
Don’t feel sorry for him. Your priority is to distance yourself from him. He, like all abusers, will destroy others with a sick feeling of power.
Concentrate on getting yourselves safe and back on track. There are lovely people out there- leave him to stew in his own juices. X
13th January 2016 at 2:29 pm #7675
I was going to say in his defense! But why do I feel the need to defend him?! Either way the day I had my child we didn’t know I was going to have it that day. (detail removed by moderator)I had called the midwife, he raped me whilst I waited for the call knowing there was a problem with the baby.
13th January 2016 at 2:31 pm #7676
The funny thing is he always made it clear how bad a mother I was throughout pregnancy commented on my size yet he was trying to get me pregnant right up until the day I left.
13th January 2016 at 2:34 pm #7677SerenityParticipant
By making you feel rubbish, he was making you think you weren’t worth any more, and you wouldn’t then leave him x
13th January 2016 at 2:41 pm #7678KIP.Participant
Hi there, how awful for you. It reminded me of how we carry the guilt for them and how twisted our world was. The police told me to get a STD test done, which I did. When the results came back negative, my initial thought was, what a wonderful husband, he hasn’t given me a STD! I should have been thinking what a nasty cheating rapist pig. But our world is so mixed up. It’s only nearly (detail removed by moderator) years away now I can look back and see that absolutely none of the abuse was my fault. He brainwashed me into believing that I brought it on myself. They refuse to admit guilt and if they can make you carry the guilt, then they don’t have to. It sounds like your child won’t be missing out on much by not seeing him. You are parent enough for both❤️ Don’t believe a word he has ever told you. When you cut out his mind games, you begin to see a pathetic insecure bully. Stay strong👍
13th January 2016 at 5:03 pm #7690
I guess any ‘normal’ man knowing there unborn child hadn’t been moving would be worried sick! They wouldn’t be thanking about sex! At least I hope that is the case. I guess certain times of the yr bring it all home.
13th January 2016 at 5:12 pm #7691KIP.Participant
Tomorrow will be a better day. The fact that you’re now realising how dysfunctional he is, is a good thing🌻
13th January 2016 at 6:44 pm #7698katieloveParticipant
My ex always raped me when I was ill. Every single time. Luckily I didn’t have a child with him. Perhaps you could celebrate your child’s birthday in a completely different way? I remember someone at Christmas writing about establishing new traditions. I found this really helpful and created new ways to spend Christmas Eve – Boxing Day:I found it really worked and I felt really happy on the days and now I look back. I made sure I took photos so we can remember new good times.
I hope the day goes OK.
KL x x x
13th January 2016 at 8:00 pm #7707
Thank-you ladies I’m sure my child will have a good day.
Katielove they seem to enjoy the power of doing it when we’re at our lowest. I remember him raping me within 2.5wks of me having a huge operations I still had the stitches
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