Not having a good week

[Surviving]

So the police gave my ex a final warning to only use the contact book and not keep sending texts and emails all the time for a conversation. The police man said the ex didn’t like it and he was rude to the police and hung up the phone saying he will speak with his solicitor.
Contact via phone was only whilst he has my daughter if it was important.
Well now he is taking the Mick and not contacting at all even though it is to do with our daughter. App he collected her early as she got (Detail removed by moderator) that should be the kind of contact he should be telling me she is off school. He has her for (Detail removed by moderator) nights this week so I have no idea if she is ok

[Chickadee]

Hi Surviving.

Been there through it all. So relate to it.
It is about power and control. And they don’t care if they disrespect and mouth off at the police of court, or rules, or authority.

And now he has your daughter and is doing the I’m the one in control on you, along with I don’t care about you or our daughter, disregard.
Disrespect.

In this instance as you stated, he should at least call after a couple days to let you know if she is ok. Have you called him?

Where you are, can you contact the police and let them know the situation, to do a wellness check and make sure she is ok?

Hugs!

Chickadee

[Surviving]

He will just use the fact I reported him for harrassment and the police told him to leave me alone. But they didn’t. He was told the unwanted messages have to stop and only contact me if it’s important to do with my daughter. I don’t know what to do. He can’t carry on behavi g like this. It’s not fair on our child.
I.dont think police can do anything about this because she is in dads care. I messaged him once to say i heard second hand about our child and asked how she is and if he took her doctors but no reply.

[Chickadee]

I know. They twist everything to their advantage.

You can either wait it out until she returns.
Or contact and ask for a well check due to no communication and your daughter’s diagnosis. I’m not sure how bad it is, but I know it can be, so I understand your desire to know she is okay.

Where I’m at, if you ask for a wellness check, they have a duty to check on her, it does not matter who she is with.

[Surviving]

Ah ok. I may try that then. Thank you for your help really appreciate it

[Surviving]

I told him if he didn’t reply by morning then I will do a welfare check with the police so he replyed (Detail removed by moderator) saying she is fine

[Chickadee]

Awesome. Was hoping you would do that. I’m glad you solicitated a response and she is okay.

My abuser got so bad and so controling he would just lie about that too. Texting me my daughter was not breathing, deathly ill, and could not go to school. I enforced the order and he brought her to the school. I went to the school to check on her and she was perfectly fine not even having any trouble with her breathing. Not letting me know when she was really sick and telling me she was just fine, not a thing wrong, and I’d get her returned really sick or in respiratory distress. Returned with neglect, bad injuries. Everything he says is a lie. I will never trust him.

I hope it does not ever get this bad for you. Don’t let your abuser take all the power and control. Draw the line. Prayers!

Chickadee

[Surviving]

Not a nice man at all to do that. They really are twisted. I can’t believe people like this manage to get away with it all the time. The system should be supporting women and children who have been abused not letting us have to deal with it because they think kids need their dad. These kinds of dad’s kids don’t need they will just mess the kids life up and they will become a victim

[Chickadee]

I found your response interesting. Most women that have gone through or are going through abuse would react with concern (be triggered) about their child and wonder if their abuser was lying to them too. Especially with abuser stressors and worry. Abusers are classified at different levels and I hope your not going through it at as high a level as what I’ve been through. Your mind is well in tact, possibly because the abuse level is not as high, or you have gotten away and it’s making a big difference. Either way I’m glad you and your daughter are doing well. And I’m glad you can at least believe your abuser when he gives you medical information. Even though you might not think so yet, your making good progress.

Though my informing you of what I went through could possibly trigger a stress reaction, I knew the benefits of the information may make the difference for you in the longterm as abusers change their behavior and/or intensify it to maintain control.

And you may not feel it all the time, but your strong. You can do this.

I’ve never stated he got away with it. Nor have I stated that the kids and I did not receive tons of support. I’ve never stated anything about the system feeling the kid needs their dad. Originally in my case I had people that saw right through it all (through him). It went back in and now I have those that think a women being raped, for example, is all her fault. Im sorry if you are not feeling that you have support, but most of the system and people support the women and children in abuse situations.

With what is here, in this one topic reference I shared with you, the child is already a victim of the father. And yes, it only gets worse the more time the abuser has with the child. They will ruin their life and they seek to turn them against their mother. It is how the cycle continues. The wrong people handling cases don’t care about the mother, child, or the cycle continuing. And it is handled wrong.

I’m glad your daughter is okay! And thank you for the statement, it is always reassuring to here their twisted from others even though we know they are.

Here when you need to talk. Hugs.

Chickadee

[Surviving]

Yes they all let me down I ended up with the wrong cafcass officer. Although he admitted all the physical and emotional abuse to us all the cafcass women said past is past and they still need there dad. My older 2 don’t have to see him although he won’t leave them alone and (detail removed by moderator). Unfortunately they decided to let him have shared care of my little girl. (Detail removed by moderator). I just need to look out for my little one now. It saddens me no one is there now to protect her but there is nothing I can do.
(Detail removed by moderator).

[Chickadee]

I’m sorry your going through all this. Unfortunately there are people that are blind to things and don’t have the intellectual ability to know what precursors are present for future incidents, or they lack caring. I’m not sure everything that you have been through as what you have shared here is in reference to only communication matters and some abuser traits, but in most circumstances children do need their parents even if limited.

Past is past (when it pertains to abusers/predators) is a cop out, it’s c**p. If we apply that to every circumstance we would have everybody free and no reason for laws or not okay behaviors. It is a slack, we don’t care and don’t want to work attitude of persons that should not be working in or near policing, social services, or the like harming people instead of doing a good job.

From what I gathered your daughter is with you and visiting him. That is better than many other alternatives. When/if you talk to this cafcass lady, can you get a pocket recorder and tape her? Whenever someone tries to keep you from going to an attny or the police, they are an underhanded or abusive person, make sure you go.

There is always something you can do. Find a good person and work with them to make sure things are set right for whatever your circumstances are. And except for emergencies you have no contact so hopefully that will work better for you and the situation.

Here when you need to talk. Hugs!

Chickadee

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