Not love love me do

[Door mouse]

It has been a while since I was on this platform living in a refuge to a 1-bedroom flat I am still facing some of the struggles as to when I was in refuge, Still with the bad body image and emotional breakdowns with the verbal abuse I had endured , I can still here it now, how I managed to live so long like it Don’t bear thinking about raw determination mainly, I wake up and it is so peaceful,  Financially although not dependent on him/them anymore with regards to blackmailing me just so I could  get some money to get buy or them just taking what they feel, Mentally I feel like I am in a better place emotionally still a long way to go, Mostly I just want to get out and explore, to be me and find some friends, this day and age friends are hard to come buy especially those not looking to rinse you for everything your worth Including your overdraft, I think I have become a stronger person in voicing my concerns but I still faulter with other matters,  speaking to somebody on the phone today opened up some old wounds, I won’t lie the council have been understanding in my situation but haven’t helped much regarding rent they are asking for 8 weeks rent when I left the property I had told them on the phone when I had left which was the end of (detail removed by Moderator) with all due respect it was only 4 weeks’ notice they asked for ,but they Knew of the situation  and they are now seeking extras as I did not have enough time to clear the property’ I would like to think that I wasn’t one of those who had asked for it or went looking for trouble just someone that was looking for the real deal someone who or people that genuinely loved, all in all things could be better  but they are not, It just goes to show people are still willing to exploit situations for their own ends still the fight goes on I have a small amount of money set by in a pension fund, so still no better off I think does a significant amount distance make a difference I’m not so sure I think with everything against her to find myself where I am, I could say I am truly happy apart from being alone, I have my journal and bloom have been a great help in helping me gain some of my body and self-wellbeing back I am still limited to what I can do with my joints and find myself wincing every now and then  for anybody reading this and found themselves in a situation they didn’t necessarily ask for don’t give up mine is a life sentence and so is theirs, still no one to blame, Somethings I might not of understood as well as I do now I feel slightly safer where I am  and look forward to a brighter future only time will tell or am I just brainwashing and kidding myself into believing that, Sometimes I do giggle to myself as to how depraved the situation was  if I didn’t I would probably cry take care everyone and I wish you all the best for the future

[Lisa]

Hi Door Mouse,

Thank you for sharing this- you mentioned how you feel safer and how you can look forward to a bright future. I know you are dealing with a lot of stress at the moment but you are stronger than you think you are.

I’m glad you have found bloom helpful and that you have been keeping a journal- its good to put yourself first and look after yourself in this way.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Author]

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