Not loving him is harder than i thought…

[Rebuilding]

So I am (detail removed by moderator) years out of my hell of a relationship. I was only (age removed by moderator) when I was with him. (detail removed by moderator) I am now (age removed by moderator) and have had no healthy relationships since. I often feel the need to check his social medias to look for messages or digs. He’s made me a mess. He use to make me feel so small and worthless. Like I had no voice or life without him. He wormed his way into every aspect of my existence and controlled it.
So why do I still feel this love for him. How has he got that strong of a hold over me. And why do I still answer him after everything he’s done. No man worthy of love should hurt a female both physically and emotionally. But what type of girl can continue to love that?

[Confused123]

HI Hun

I suppose it takes time, im out (detail removed by moderator)months and when he makes any contact even if its to enquire about kids i find myself checking his whats app, have u tried cousnelling, ive been doing it for a year now and it actuallymade me realize how psyco and dangerous mine was, reading books on abuse helps, sadly u have tor emind your self of the baad things they did to u , this seems to keep me away even though i still get days when i think if only… and but i loved u so much….. i have to tell myself that there is no going back and how much he could hurt me , just keep telling yourself u have more value than that

[Ayanna]

Hi, have you heard about the Freedom Programme? Ask your local WA when there is one in your area. That will help you understand a lot about abusers.
And in order to make yourself stronger ask your GP to refer you to counseling.
It is a process to become free and self confident. Joining the forum here is a great step towards a life free from abuse. x*x

[Healthyarchive]

Rebuilding, are you still in contact with him now? you said you still answer him. I think you will like the book 30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics free to read on Amazon. I am in a very similar position right now, i feel that I still love my ex but he was a screwed up manipulative s**t who drove me to the psychiatric ward. X*X

[Lisa]

Hi Rebuilding,

Thank you so much for your post. I am pleased to see that you have had some supportive replies. I just wanted to add that your local Women’s Aid group and the helpline can offer you plenty of support, counselling and access to the freedom program which would all be helpful to you. Recovering from abuse can take a long time so please be kind to yourself and give yourself plenty of time to heal.

We are all here for you so please keep posting.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Rebuilding]

Hi,
I’ve felt really alone in all of this for so long, it’s nice to see It’s not just me, as much as I wouldn’t wish this on anyone!!
I’ve had no counselling, my GP referred me to TIME TO TALK, without really knowing why they were referring me, but when I called them they never phoned me back. I felt let down and haven’t tried again since.
I wasn’t in contact with him for a while, and then his replacement relationship broke down and he found me through social media and got back in contact. I try not to talk to him but he always finds a new hook, currently his ill Nan.
I’ve been looking for something to help keep me strong since his return. I realized that continuing to suffer alone is what he wants and it makes him stronger and I can’t go back to where I was.

[Author]

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