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I don’t feel myself after the abuse, I get flashbacks to all the events that happened and all the lies which I believed, I feel so so stupid for falling for it all, I’m not ready to go back to work on Monday and I don’t know what to do or how to feel, I can’t concentrate and I zone out a lot, I’m stressed
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It will take time to heal, you’re doing so well. Could work reduce your hours for a while as I find work is a distraction and even though my colleagues don’t know they have kinda kept me going. But if you’re not ready you need to do what’s best for you and do something nice for yourself. Have a nice walk, treat yourself to something bright and cheerful. You are NOT stupid, you are brave and can do this.
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This is a hard situation and I empathise totally. I had severe PTSD and would get panic attacks and nightmares that left me drained the next day . Therapy helped me. CBT and talking therapy in seperate intervals . I self referred to the wellbeing service and put myself on the waiting list. I agree with the last reply to ask for part time hours just so you can rest inbetween and process the past abuse etc. You can do this 💪
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I’m not sure, he used to go to places around my work and he is so local to me, lives close by. I don’t know how I will react when I see him, but I heard he’s going on with his life and acting as if nothing has happened, I can’t really go to my aa meetings as he goes to most I go to, and it’s like kudos for him getting his life back on track, he’s not been honest with what he’s done. Down playing it a lot. I can’t focus on anything, I’m just so angry and I dislike myself so much. I have dreams about him every night. And I’m sitting here feeling stuck and frozen
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The therapy is over the phone so you would not have to go anywhere for that but this is a difficult one in regards to your work. They will always downplay or pretend it didn’t happen or they won’t get a new supply and its a survival thing. Some also think it’s normal behaviour or within their right. A therapist once said if they truly acknowledged what they did they would probably give up living. So they pretend it doesnt happen. It is awful because they cause so much damage but they don’t care.
I promise you, these feelings and dreams won’t last. It gets easier and your mind has put this person on a pedastool . One day you will see a picture and think why was I so emotionally attached to this person. You won’t understand the appeal.
Perhaps a change of work and explain to your AA recovery worker what is happening. I garuntee this stuff happens a lot. It might help and give you a fresh new start ? It might even relieve some of these emotions and keep your mind busy.
It gets easier but it is hard , very hard as we are confronted by many obstacles as women compared to men , but it is definitely not impossible. Be kind to yourself, your mind and body has just been traumatised and needs time to recover.
Take care and keep strong 💪
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