This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Anabela 3 months ago.

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  • #71160
     Nootnoot 
    Participant

    Hi everyone, I’m new here and I’d like your thoughts on my situation. Recently my bf got extremely drunk. I saw a message come up on his phone from a girl he had been secretly messaging. I confronted him about it and he got my biggest knife and tried to slash me in the face with it. I tried to get the knife off him but couldn’t, I was bleeding and I then rang the Police. He was arrested (detail removed by Moderator)

    He’s not supposed to contact me but I had a lot of questions I needed answering and I’m now in contact with him. He says he can’t remember anything about the attack. He has promised to stop drinking (he hardly ever drank before this). He has admitted that he has been talking to other girls secretly the whole (detail removed by Moderator) years we’ve been together but says it was innocent chat, he said he’s no more than online friends with them and that he’ll never keep secrets again.

    I don’t feel strong enough to leave him. I am completely in love with him and he has helped me through a lot in the past. I lost my children to care (detail removed by Moderator) and he was the only person who was there for me. He is the only person I know where I live (my children and I had moved away from family and friends to be with him). I already had depression before this happened and now it has got worse. I keep changing my mind on whether or not to stay with him. I’m crying all the time, I don’t know what to do.

  • #71161
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Please contact your local women’s aid. You need support to get you through this. Do not make excuses for him. Many people drink and do not abuse others. He chooses to abuse you. He attacked you with a knife. Are you having counselling? Please block him and go zero contact. He is actually breaking the law by contacting you which shows you just how much respect he has for both the law and you. Abusers are Pathalogical liars. Please do not believe a word he says. You need to let the police know he has been contacting you. Please be open and honest with them. Your ex will use the contact to discredit you so please let the police know. The bail conditions are there to keep you safe from physical as well as mental harm and manipulation. You’re very vulnerable just now. Of course he can remember the attack and has probably blamed you for it to the police. Google trauma bonding. It’s not that you love him, you’re trauma bonded to him. You cannot love someone who takes a knife to you. It’s your mind being in a state of trauma. Mixing things up. Abuse always gets worse. Ring the helpline number on here and find your local women’s aid. Or ring victim support. Keep posting and reaching out. I’ve been where you are so I know the total despair and confusion you are in but any contact will make it worse x

  • #71165
     Nootnoot 
    Participant

    Thank you for your quick reply. I am seeing someone from the police safeguarding team next week who works with women’s aid. I am not having counselling yet as it has only just happened. I do not believe what he says, he’s always lied about everything, I just want to believe him but I can’t. But I do not know how I’d cope on my own, I have no friends and my family live far away.

    You’re right I’m very confused. I know I’d be stupid to stay with him. I feel like I want to believe that he won’t do it again as he’s never hurt me like that before, but at the same time I know I should finish with him and have no more contact x

  • #71166
     Anabela 
    Participant

    Hello. A knife is very serious, because that is actually a gun that could have killed you. You cannot trust him because you will keep thinking whether you are safe with him or not. And of course now he will try to get you back, promise not to do that again etc. He will want you on his side (detail removed by Moderator).

    My ex has assaulted me and I pressed charges. And then I took them back and I took him back. Because he was telling all the things I wanted to hear. He sounded so honest and I was more concerned and sorry for him than for myself. A few weeks later, tension was increasing, and here we were again arguing as usual. Name calling, suicidal threats, verbal agression though not physical. The only thing that change I knew what he was capable of and I was much more scared of him.

    I know you love him. I know you miss him. I also thought at a time that I would never stop loving him and I would be forever unhappy without him. But it proved not to be the case.
    Even if he helped you in that past it gives him no right to ruin your present life.

    Hugs xx

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