Not sure

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone, it has took me along time and a lot of me questioning myself. over the years I have doubted myself a lot and am starting to wonder if I have experienced a form of abuse by those closest to me, which I am really struggling to deal with and it has impacted on my mental health. My mum experienced abuse in different forms growing up an I know this has impacted her reactions and behaviours towards things.

In the past when I was working my mum was receiving support and I moved back home, this really affected her. This resulted a strain in our relationship where I was made to feel guilty on a regular basis form working a lot of hours, I felt that guilty from thins my mum said at the time and ended up reducing my hours, so I was working less to make her happy so her support was partially maintained. If I wasn’t home by a certain time after me saying I would be back by a time she would have shout at me when I walked through the door.i was made to feel guilty by her, for walking the dog and was blamed for it being the reason she would’t walk the dog, she tells every one its my fault.

when I became pregnant I had no support in the decision as I chose to have an abortion, my partner gaslighted me and would not talk tome to the point he had shouted at me in the clinic on the day of the procedure and family would tell me the size of the baby and the stage the baby was at. this Made me feel guilty about the decision I was making.

I was working full-time and have to cut back my hours recently, in the end I had the baby after the challenges faced during the abortion,i was told by someone closest to me when they were supporting me with childcare, they were very critical of me and called me rotten for working overtime so I could spend time with my family and not fall behind with work, this has impacted on who I can trust to help look after little while work. it has made me depressed and feeling like im a very rubbish mum.

any helper advice would be appreciated I haven’t one into detail I have tried summaries it the best I can

[Lisa]

Dear Happyexplorer,

Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. I’m sorry to read how the relationship with your mum is, it’s horrible that she has made you feel guilty a lot of the time. The treatment of you by your family and your partner when you were considering a termination of pregnancy was incredibly unkind; you would hope for support and respect of your decisions at such a difficult time. The behaviour you explain by your partner in particular sounds abusive.

It sounds like talking this through with someone in more detail could be helpful. You could use our Live Chat service and explain a bit more, which should help you to understand your situation a bit more. However generally your instinct is normally right; if it feels abusive, it most likely is. I’m sure there’s many other things that have happened that are not healthy and that have led to the feeling of doubting yourself.

Being a working parent of a young child is extremely hard, so you could really do with some good support; both Family Lives and Gingerbread are good organisations to have a look at.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[Anonymous]

Hi Lisa,

Thank you very much for takin the time to respond to my post.

I will talk to somebody on the live chat as I feel you are right that will help me understand my situation a bit more. I feel as if I have been back and forth with it in my mind the past couple of years around this as this has made me doubt myself self alot. There are a lot of other thins that have led to me feeling like this too.

I will have a look at both those organisations too.

Thank you

[Author]

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