Not sure how im feeling…

[Drainedallthetime]

Why, after a positive long period of time tell myself that’s it, now he’s proved he can put in the work to be and do better for me and the kids, tell myself I’m not going back to where we was. Fast forward we’re almost back to where we was, the physical the emotional everything. Why can’t I just leave, I’ve tried telling him to go as he’s in my house but it never happens and I just let it be. I get so upset because what kind of person allows their kids to be in this atmosphere, but then the guilt kicks in when our son says i want daddy and he’s only popped to the shop. It makes me question if he wasn’t really here what would I tell them how would things be. I definitely feel I can only be happy when he is happy and when he’s off in his moods I’m not happy either well at least I have no choice because at some point it will be taken out on me no matter the reason. It’s driving me insane to the point I find myself explaining situations to friends in order to get validation and feel better about myself for 5 mins.

is it me am i the one in the wrong causing this vile behavior I’m not sure what else to do, I just know I’m so much happier and at peace when he’s not in the house, when he’s out working it’s like I can breathe do what I want not have to do something there and then because he wants it.

i don’t really know what my point is, I just needed to vent.

[Lisa]

Hello Drainedallthetime,

I’m really sorry to hear how you’re feeling at the moment, it sounds like an exhausting and confusing experience. I just wanted to offer a reminder that abuse is never the victims fault, and there is nothing that you could have done to deserve it.

It makes sense that you feel more relaxed and at peace when he is not around, I wonder if that would be how you might feel more often or even all t he time, if you felt able to consider leaving the relationship. It sounds like you’re going through so much at the moment, I hope you can have some positive moments over the weekend.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Drainedallthetime]

Hi Lisa,

thank you for responding, yes, your right this week has been extremely exhausting today probably the most. I am wanting to get out the relationship I am just not sure where to start I wish he would just leave but he won’t even after I’ve asked him too. I just know it’s going to be so much more stress on top leaving, hence I guess it’s just easier to stay as strange as it sounds.

[OctoberSunshine]

Hi Drainedallthetime,

Sorry to hear you are having a difficult time.

I can understand the feeling of you feeling at peace when he’s not in the house.

I can see that you are thinking about the worries you have for leaving. But writing down (in a safe space ofcourse) all the positives to come when you leave. All the things you look forward to doing, in peace, all the little things you could say without worrying , what the ultimate positive outcome would be for you, all the things you could do with your spare time, all the freedoms it could give you and the positives it would bring for the Children. Maybe this might help you make some positive steps towards creating that environment you deserve for you and your children.

Although they may miss their father initially, would there be a chance in the future,  that they could see, all you ever wanted to create was a healthy and safe environment for you all?

It is of course not your fault that he cannot regulate himself. It sounds like he tried to show you a version of himself  you wanted him to be, only to ultimately revert back to his default mode.

I hope you have the love, friendship and support from those around you, sending you strength.

OctoberSunshine

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