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    • #63674
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I’ve just been discarded again like a used tissue, for the 4th time is (detail removed by moderator) and I feel so very, very stupid. I have come to the realisation over the last year that I have been emotionally tortured, bullied, beaten down and have lost every shred of who I was before him – I am 3 weeks in and feeling like life is too hard to even wake up most days

    • #63686
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi there and welcome. Abusers often discard us then hook us back in. It’s part of the abuser tool kit. So,we are supposed to be grateful each time they take us back and our bond with them tightens. I’m afraid the only way to break this bond is zero contact. Is it possible for you to block his number and other forms of contact. You can ring the helpline number on here for support. When you say you have lost every shred of who you were before him, that’s exactly how abuse makes us feel. Google trauma bonding. It’s going to take a while to break that bond and it’s like breaking a drug addiction. It’s a real rollercoaster but you will get through this. The early stage is the worst but with zero contact and support you will get over this and realise what alucky escape you had. Perhaps speak to your GP about some counselling meantime. Keep moving forwards taking baby steps and remember to eat and drink. You need to stay strong. Also, depending on your circumstances you may wish to speak to the police on 101 for some advice although your local women’s aid can help you stay safe x

    • #63689
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Imissme,

      Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a supportive place to be. You have described feeling emotionally tortured and beaten down. Perpetrators of domestic abuse chip away at our self esteem and self worth. As KIP said, discarding you and pulling you back in is an abusive tactic. They want complete control over you.

      If you need to talk this through, you could call the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247, Calls are answered by trained female support workers.

      You could also contact your local domestic abuse service for face to face support. They may be able to offer counselling or courses.

      Take care and keep posting

      Best Wishes,

      Lisa

    • #63984
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Didn’t see this reply until now – I’ve been no contact since the day he left and he’s blocked etc, deleted my instagram etc – I know the drill unfortunately, I learnt it last time and implemented it but he contacted me through my daughter and hoovered me back in.
      I’ve been to to gp and am on the waiting list for counselling, so am, in practice, doing everything I need to do but just feel so very very low.
      I’m embarrassed to say I’ve had suicidal thoughts and don’t think I’d still be here if I didn’t have children who need me

    • #63986
      Shipoffools
      Participant

      Hi Imissme,

      I’ve read the posts…sorry to hear how low you’re feeling, please, please, please do not give up hope that brighter days will come…you need time to heal and it takes time, love and look after yourself…xx

    • #63991
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      I wrote you attempting to offer lots of support to you and it just disappeared somehow, but I think it’s time for your grieving love.

      You are greater than this, greater than him, staying here for your babies who need you so much. Now it’s time for you you need time and love, tenderness, warmth, healing, grieving, support, understanding reassurances and practical advice.

      I really hope your GP is supportive as that really can make such a difference to your recover that you started.

      It’s such a shock to know he’s not the person you thought he was and how hard to face that, knowing this is his hatred and coldness, and that you are so much the greater person being around for your babies who need you.

      It’s nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of,its how he’s left you feeling because of his treatment of you, but he is truly not worthy of you. Doing makes him not worthy, no decent person does this.

      I want you to know you are not alone, that you have so much support here, that we will help you all we can to get through this, a hard place which we sadly are familiar with. There is much better for you, and when you feel your worth you will know this too.

      Warmest wishes and keep posting when you can ts

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