Not sure I can go on..(sorry to sound so desperate)

[Cantmakedecisons]

Life’s been tough.. extremely tough.

I’ve tried to do everything and anything I can to sort this but still it goes on and on.

I’m so tired of trying to live a life that doesn’t mean anything. I’m not even sure why I’m trying so hard for something that at the moment I don’t want.

I came home to things being left in my bedroom, it means his been here and although I haven’t seen him or he hasn’t touched me I’ve feel totally violated! It’s him trying to tell me something – that his still in control? I don’t know, but I don’t care either anymore.. I’m too tired.

I’m literally pulling my hair out with the stress of what might happen, what has happened and the unknown. I not even sure what I’m scared of, it’s all happened before so what’s actually going to happen..?

I know I need to ‘woman up’ but you need strength to do that and my tank is empty.

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi, I just wanted to say I understand the feeling that you describe. I have felt this way lately but you can and will get through this. You have shown such strength In leaving. I am so sorry that he is harrasing you and trying to get into your head.
I am unsure of your situation, whether this is a family home he had access to, if so can you get the locks changed? then if he did it again call the police.
Your safety is most important.
I know you are feeling tired, drained even, can you stay with a friend or ask someone over so your not alone?
Be kind to yourself.
Sending a hug x

[Cantmakedecisons]

Sleep pigeon thank you for replying. Last night I was desperately fighting the dark feelings, the one where I would be in peace. I text a friend who helped me try and get some perspective, she gets it. I can’t say I feel ok today, I’m still tired and scared but I’m here.

Life keeps throwing everything at me and I suppose I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I’ve tried to be a nice person, honest and loving and don’t understand why it’s come to this.

[Sleepypigeon]

Hi, I totally understand these feelings I am also fighting them everyday just now, not many people understand so I am glad you have a friend you can reach out to and so happy you did.
Life can be unfair, I feel often, why me what did I do to deserve this life.
But we have an inner strength somehow that keeps us going.
You are strong and brave and must remind yourself everyday that you deserve better than you have had.
Sending virtual hug cause we could all use one x

[Eggshells]

You know what, you’re allowed to feel sorry for yourself. You’re going through hell. But you can also feel proud of yourself; you are a survivor and you are pushing forwards despite his threats and you made it through another day. That takes enormous courage. You are truly amazing. xx

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thanks Eggshells.
Thank goodness for this site because I’m not sure what I’d do without it atm. You’re all so supportive and understand each other.

One day at a time is all I’m focusing on right now..

[Living Warrior]

hi Cantmakedecisions,
I hope today is a better day for you. I know things seem very bleak atm, but i can assure you with determination, resilience and a lot of self love and understanding, this too shall pass. You are already on the road to a better life. (I didnt believe that either, when someone said it to me, at my lowest point) but, they were telling the truth.
take one day at a time, you have a lot to process.
My first piece of advice though, would be not to worry about the “unknown” this is wasting energy (you dont have) on things that may never happen 🙂
take each day as it comes, if that seems too drastic on a really bad day- then take each hour as it comes 🙂
minute by minute if you must. Take a breath, step back and give yourself a bit of time & space.
Things have a tendency of seeming more than they are when we are already stressed out, or focused on what “might” happen.
i send you peace, love, courage and strength with this post.

if you need a listening ear i am here 🙂 pm me x
you have come this far! you have got this!

[Cantmakedecisons]

Xx

[iliketea]

Hey you, I hope you’re having a better day. Also, feel free to pm me anytime. Remember how far you have come, really, I remember the early days of you leaving, and everything you have been through. Feeling empty is really ok, especially when you have come so far, you are out of energy, so when it happens, take some deep breaths, self love like LW said above. If you have a nice friend, could you ask them to come and stay the night at yours for a bit. You must let the police know he’s been there, it must be trespassing, you definitely need to report it. Also, could you try and get some more support from them, I remember you posting a few weeks ago, I’m sorry I didn’t respond, but I am so so sorry you lost that amazing support person from your life. Could you see if there is anyone else professional out there who can help? You don’t need to climb that hill right now, just have a think, have a plan, find some boots, pack your bag, you know what I mean, get ready to start back on your road to freedom and strength. You will get there. Can you see you GP about the hair pulling? My pet does it, I know you know its a stress thing but the GP will definitely be able to help with coping in less damaging/painful ways. Stay strong, sending you a massive hug. Empty is fine, honestly, look after yourself and try and think about how to get out of the sinking sand. You will. I promise. xxxx

[Cantmakedecisons]

Thank you Iliketea, I remember you from the start of me posting on this forum. Xx

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