- This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 10 months ago by Confused123.
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10th May 2017 at 11:49 am #42321SuntreeParticipant
I’m not sure how I feel right now.
Probably on the edge of numbness and the sickening feeling that I hoped never to have to feel again.
As it was pointed out to me when I first left, my abuser if I wasn’t around would probably abuse the kids.The same person who said this then did her very best to make sure that abuser saw the kids as much as she could possibly get him.
I knew that he would lie to the kids, I knew he would emotionally abuse them, I knew that he thought nothing of physically chastising them, that’s allowed over here in law. I hoped every time they went they were okay and would come back okay.
That soon he would get bored of the responsibility.
I couldn’t not send them for it had already been said to me that it could be changed for him to have MORE time with them and me less.
So I did what I was told by the authorities, by those who’s jobs it is to protect children. I did it in the hope that the damage wouldn’t be too much and we could all recover from it to lead a happy and healthy life.I reported when I had some evidence of his neglect of them. A leaflet was sent out to advice him what to do because they couldn’t contact him.
Move on a bit of time and he doesn’t see them, his choice. They are happier and healthier in all aspects.
Until now at school they are doing about keeping safe and learning respect, boundaries, anger, personal space, keeping secrets the things I teach at home but now they are also learning from school. Which has been fine until it hit a trigger.
I am glad they feel safe enough with me to talk or to ask to talk to a child help line. I have arranged more counseling for them. For they can’t remember what secrets or consequences for telling the secrets were. They know it was really bad. The bodies told the story all of its own with the shaking and the fear that was in it.
Move on and I requested more counselling this time not just for general mental health and emotions, but for what I had been told and listened to.
I had to retell a stranger our history with the abuser to give the back ground.
And I had to sign a form that should they find anything out that needed to go to the authorities it would.I hope it won’t, I hope those secrets were ones we already reported and the authorities decided not to do anything about because they are in my care now. Because I don’t want to put them through any more pain.
I hope the counselling helps them deal with whatever he did to them and gives them some strategies for the future.
But I am scared because I asked for help that they will pull him back into their lives in someway and that isn’t in any way good for them.
I scared by trying to help them and not ignoring the issue that I might have done more damage than good.
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11th May 2017 at 8:20 am #42358Confused123Participant
hey hun
having the authorities involved always puts emmance pressure on us, i think u r so brave and offering all the right support to your children who need it , as mothers all we can do is emphaize how they abuse the children in silence, not sure of the age of your children, carry on doing what u are doing, trust your gut feeling when u think things dont seem rigth, continue to gain support for yourself too
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11th May 2017 at 8:41 am #42360SuntreeParticipant
Confused123 Thank you.
I am scared for them if the authorities do get brought in for I have learnt to have no faith in any of them, for they do not protect the children at all.
And when they have caused devastation they leave without support and say we have nothing to offer you in your area.Plus he seems to be someone who can and does get away with whatever he does every single time.
Making sure he uses others to cause as much harm to his victims as he can while he portrays himself as one.
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11th May 2017 at 2:07 pm #42384Confused123Participant
heyhun
hope all works for u and u and kids stay protected, yes sadly the system does fail us, not sure who u have spoken to if its a counsellor i think we all have to sign that form , the thing is that u are not with him no more and children are so much better without him. I too had to offer my kids cousnellign to work throught their feelings, it really is for the best as they see things from another prosepective
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