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I wanted to start this post positively – saying that i know i am strong enough to go through with this, but i couldn’t as i am sure that it would be a lie.
Things here are pretty bad – we are speaking enough to chat briefly about the kids or something but nothing more then that. He isn’t eating, moping around like i have mortally wounded him. My relative believes that he is waiting for me to cave and start sucking up to him so we can go back to the way things were. Is is really tragic that i want that? I want so desperately to go back to him loving me, being kind to me- even being moody – but i can’t – or should i say i won’t. I don’t know whats happened – maybe the fact that my daughter was being started on too – but i can’t give in. I know whats going on – i don’t know how to get him to admit it, but i know what he’s doing. He is still trying to control me – and I’m not giving in! He can get stuffed! He doesnt see the effect this whole thing is having on me – he doesnt see the tears/frustration/fear – he just sees indifference because i won’t give him the pleasure of leeching off of my emotions.
What do i do from here? I know that he won’t change, he has told me as much, but i can’t believe that he won’t admit he has done certain things and show remorse! I feel as though if i kick him out then he will tell people that it was unjustified and that he is innocent. Why do i care so much when i know the truth?
TTMO x
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It’s natural.
I think the only reason I stayed so long was because I hoped that one day he would magically realise all he’d done and show remorse, and tell us all that we were the most important things to him ( and prove it).
Of course, it never happened.
I know we wish we could wave a magic wand. Make them want to live out their vows. But for some reason, they don’t want to, can’t or refuse to. We could waste our whole lives waiting.
Big hugs X
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OMG Serenity, your posts has just made me realise one thing : my husband, unlike me, never mentions us all as a family unit, he never speaks about keeping us together as a nucleus so dear to him he would be willing to make the necessary effort, he never speaks about what it would mean for him to loose me and his family. I do, I do that all the time and that is what keeps me stuck here.
Your post mentioning ”the most important thing of all” is something I never hear my husband talk about, ever!
I even feel so much guilt towards my younger son who seems so lost and so hurt and I feel guilty for destroying his family, his support, his home, his base, his life. I take a look at him and listen to him and I loose the wish to go ahead. I fear destroying his life. The other day he was talking about not wanting to reply to my question about who he would live with…He is so hurt, so lost.
But my husband never mentions any of that, ever…I have just realised this. 🙁
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He will never change his behaviour but you can change yours and get out of this cycle of abuse that you are stuck in. Why should he feel remorseful when he’s convinced he has done nothing wrong. Don’t waste your energy on him and his behaviour. If he hasn’t learned how to behave properly by now, he never will. Cut him out the equation. Make your own plans for the future. If your not already in touch with your local women’s aid, do that. You will need lots of help to get away and stay away x it’s not easy but with time and no contact you will see just how dysfunctional things are x
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