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    • #123957
      Pea2020
      Participant

      Since I left him, it’s been up and down, but nothing too bad.

      He has generally been ok with kids hand overs. There have been a few incidents of mild intimidating behaviours, but otherwise he is being co operative.

      He tries to be “helpful” and gives me advice via WhatsApp.
      He tells everyone that me leaving was “his fault” but at the same time, his reasons why it is his fault are not the truth.

      He even didn’t contest my reasons for divorce, when I sent through the divorce papers.
      I was expecting resistance- he was highly controlling and I thought this would be another way for him to keep control… but the divorce seems to be going ahead with no issue at the moment.

      I’m so confused. He could be nice when we were together, so its not out of character for him I suppose.
      It is making me highly doubt my perception of everything that’s happened over the years

    • #123966
      KIP.
      Participant

      His behaviour is designed to make you doubt the abuse. He’s being ‘nice’ because he’s getting everything he wants. He has you still in contact with him. He’s painting himself out to be the way he wants to be seen. He gets to see his kids which makes him look good in the eyes of others. He could be nice when you were together because it was a pattern of behaviour. A cycle of abuse and you can bet that cycle will continue. Try saying no to him and you will be reminded of his abuse. Stop all direct contact. It’s allowing manipulation. ‘Mild intimidating behaviour’ even now he cannot help himself. Use a third party for all contact and handovers x

      • #124036
        Pea2020
        Participant

        Thank you for your reply, you make complete sense.
        I will try and stop contact, if possible.
        I do often wonder what he would do if I said no to him at the moment… I’ve been trying to be as amenable as possible and not antagonise him in any way… you are right, he probably would turn in a second if I said no to him about something.

    • #124038
      KIP.
      Participant

      Get all your ducks in a row first so you need him for nothing. It’s all about power and control with these men and how they’re perceived by others. But now it’s about what you want. And the kind of person you definitely don’t want in your life. You have that choice now.

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