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    • #89440
      Orangeapple
      Participant

      I’ve lived emotional and mental torment for so long I’m struggling to recall normality. I realised things weren’t right and when tried to leave, I couldn’t, I didn’t know how my own emotions became my enemy, but he worked out my weaknesses and played them perfectly. Backed it up with physical, and he was always sorry offering reassurance and threats and then poor him. Many years and I learnt to manage his behaviours better. He led a single life with other relationships and had next to no interest in our daughter, he kept up the mental and emotional abuse and I remained confused and barely able to function, believing I had some terrible mental illness. But I read books and worked hard to overcome it, and I learnt it wasnt me being mentally ill, it was him messing with my head. And I broke all communication We didnt live together so I had all my own finances and home. (Detail removed by moderator) on I’m dealing with constant harassment every month sometimes twice in a month, criminal damage, mail offers of (detail removed by moderator)  and other areas, Abusive messages left on voicemail, bank references, ive been suspect in police investigations for violence etc that he has reported I’ve done to him, which I’ve not and video of himself stating he will take our daughter. He’s already done that before, there’s child arrangement order, prohibited steps order, non molestation order, trying to protect her and me, he has no contact, he wouldn’t cooperate in court, threatened other people there, and then withdrew and said he didn’t want an order made. He’d taken me to court on an emergency hearing stating I was a danger and our daughter should be removed from me and he wanted her. My daughter is horrified at the thought. He was happy to do that to her when she barely knows him. He doesn’t even care about her wellbeing it seems. Im now again (detail removed by moderator). They’ve been done from outside my house as he’s not been in my house. I also have cctv. The stress of having this as a life is crucifying me, I can have no hopes for anything and am helpless dealing with the impact of this and waiting for his next act. And the stress from seeing how it effects my kids, I have no peace and no safety, he promised he would do this and worse, using strangers so he wouldn’t get caught, I don’t know if or when it will turn physical or by who, or (detail removed by moderator). I can see no end. Moving seems an impossible task, advise never quite turns out to be reality. And then he promised he’d find me if I did. Hi this is me, or a very small look into my world

       

       

    • #89441
      KIP.
      Participant

      Yep, been on the receiving end of some of that. Detained by police too. Do you have support from women’s aid? You’re going to need a support network around you. From counselling to police marker on your home. The thing that keeps these men going is the fuel they get from your distress. So if he can’t see the damage he’s doing then he may well move on. I’d change my phone number and have my mail redirected to a friend. It doesn’t cost much and they can sift out the c**p until it stops. It’s a fine line between staying and fighting and running and having the fear he may find you one day. The law on stalking has been tightened up so speak to victim support. Keep off all social media. Yes it’s exhausting but that’s his plan. It took me years to no longer be afraid of him. He’s a stupid bully. They always slip up. They cant help themselves x

    • #89444
      Orangeapple
      Participant

      Women’s aid refer me to outside support and victim support can’t assist. I have a marker on my home, he doesn’t see my distress, I keep myself smart and tidy, and buoyant on the outside, Ive had no contact for (detail removed by moderator) now, his only feed back is from police, who ask him about things, he says no not me, and so he leaves, I’ve suggested they are a tool for him, and that they don,t talk to him without first having solid proof, he’s got them thinking he’s a victim of me too, by creating evidence against me. He won’t give up ever, he won’t move on, he has a relationship. I’ve not used social media for years. I cope by accepting this rather than by fearing it, I accept my fate and that helps me be okay, but it become harder since the police involvement against me, when they can’t help me. I’ve had high police involvement for (detail removed by moderator). Thank you for your reply, you’ve given me hope to wait for his slip up.

       

    • #89472
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hello Orangeapple

      Kip’s absolutely right when she says they can’t help themselves, though it sometime be a long wait. I’ve waited most of my life for my father to dig himself a nice big hole – he’s bragged in abusive letters to me how he managed to track me down and how it must have been a shock to me for him to have done this (nope, not at all! These men clearly don’t think we’ve worked out how they operate). Alas, my father is probably too sick now to be prosecuted for his abuse and would likely be deemed mentally unfit to stand trial.

      And when my partner and I decided to separate, it was only then that he admitted that he’d withheld support (which must be emotional as all material needs were provided for) because I’d not been behaving in a way that he liked.

      Because of my father’s abuse I don’t do social media either as it means I can try to stay safe and minimise the level of abuse as he knows less about what I’m doing and therefore has less ammunition with which to do it. I’m glad Orangeapple you have found the confidence to post here, with online friends. Keep posting whenever you’re feeling distressed – we are here for you 🙂

    • #89477
      Orangeapple
      Participant

      Thank you. I had no idea other women were affected in the same ways as me and so many too. Ive coped alone looking for answers thinking there’s something wrong with me, until I found some books which showed me exactly what he was doing and I saw a light. Although it’s worse than ever now.

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