28th December 2018 at 3:50 pm #69470JustkeepswimmingParticipant
Finally had the chance to contact Women’s Aid helpline today. It helped to hear the call handler tell me yes it is partner abuse I am experiencing. I already know that but I also don’t really believe it. It all feels unreal. Like this is all some strange dream or I’m misrepresenting everything to make it sound worse than it is.
She gave me numbers for support which I’ve phoned and been accepted for a referral to local outreach support.
I can’t believe this is my life. And I know he is the one responsible for his actions. But I am so angry with myself for being in this situation. The fact that our infant daughter could be negatively affected because I stayed with him through red flags and brought her into this world with him as a father. I made the decision to have her with him. That’s on me.
So far she seems ok. We’re both fairly okay. Which is why it’s so hard to believe this is abuse because I feel my mental health isn’t bad enough. I should be more anxious and depressed, more scared. But I’m coping. I enjoy most days (he’s not around much admittedly). And my daughter seems happy and ok, she loves her dad. It’s like reality isn’t making sense anymore. If the abuse is so bad why do I feel okay?
I don’t know. Can anyone relate? Thank you for reading. Nice to feel less alone.
28th December 2018 at 9:57 pm #69489IwantmebackParticipant
Hi there, I think you’ve been savvy enough to see where your relationship was going and have managed to break the ties quicker than most. That’s a good thing. It’s good you feel your mental health is stable, you don’t want to be so far down the line you’re second guessing everything, going round in circles not knowing which way is up. You mind may have switched off, buried the abuse, diesnt matter. The good thing is you’re away from it and your life bring made worse. You should be proud of yourself. Many of us would be so grateful to have had your insight so early on. Believe me, the longer you’re with an abuser the harder it is to break those ties.
Don’t beat yourself up at having a baby with him, he’s given you a beautiful gift, one he’s chosen to have no part of because of how he’s treated you💜 his choices have had consequences, you’ve shown him just how strong and fierce a woman can be, that is a wonderful accomplishment. You’ve made me smile knowing you’ve not had bad anxiety, depression or feel scared. Jyst because you feel you aren’t as bad as some of us here don’t trivialise what he’s done to you. It might yet rear its ugly head, but you sound so bl..dy strong it might not. You my love ARE a warrior queen.
28th December 2018 at 11:48 pm #69497KIP.Participant
Dont blame yourself. Dont be angry with yourself. Abuse creeps up on us. It feels normal to us. It’s insidious. Like putting a frog in warm water and slowly turning the heat up to boiling. Stay alert to any aftershock that still may come. Take all the help offered and listen to the professionals. Zero contact with him too x
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