Now I am really confuesed not abuse just a relationship problem?

This topic contains 10 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of runner runner 2 years ago.

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  • #32507
    Profile photo of runner runner 
    Participant

    I phoned the number on this page to ask for some advise. The woman seemed to struggle as she said it is very unusal and more a relationship issue. She mentioned manipulation but They don’t really deal with my issue. Even though they have info about my issue. Its now put me off phoning ethis company again. Its fine as only I can decide what to do. I know there is manipulation in this relationship, my midwife was sportive as far as sh could be. Not much. Its so difficult as my partner will not let me speak to his wife. I don’t want to put myself in danger. Even my midwife.agrees maybe speaking to her may help me to figure out whats going on.

  • #32509
    Profile photo of Indiamalachite Indiamalachite 
    Participant

    I think if you’re not sure then phone someone else. If you feel you have a gut feeling then that’s probably right isn’t it? You could try a BME specific helpline like Southall Black Sisters and maybe they could direct you with a better understanding. Helpline Tel: 020 8571 0800
    Mon, Wed, Fri 9.30am – 4.30pm Closed from12.30pm to 1.30pm for lunch
    Don’t give up, if you know somethings not ok then you’re probably right x

  • #32511
    Profile photo of runner runner 
    Participant

    Thanks hun its such a complcated mess. I can never get through to south hall black sisters.

  • #32512
    Profile photo of Indiamalachite Indiamalachite 
    Participant

    there’s too few helplines that are for bme or lgbtq survivors! There’s a few more on here that might be accessible. Hope you can get through to someone <3
    http://www.itv.com/thismorning/domestic-violence-helplines

  • #32516
    Profile photo of runner runner 
    Participant

    Hi its such a vague situation thanks its knocked my confidence to be fair
    I know having someone minimise your emotions is emotional abuse.

    Ignore them

    Lie. Although its in there these ethnic minority help lines cant see abuse except for sharaon project. I am back at square one and cant see any way out. No way at all.

  • #32517
    Profile photo of older lady older lady 
    Participant

    Do you have a local Citizen’s Advice Bureau? You could try going to see them to find out how you can access some (free) legal advice about this situation. Their website (www.citizens advice.org.uk) has information about how to access legal support. You will feel a lot more confident, i think, the more knowledge you have about your various rights as a parent, and what legal steps you can take to protect your position. See what local solicitors offer in terms of a fixed fee interview or a free half hour consultation. Your local domestic abuse advisor service should be able to let you know which solicitors they find helpful. Xx

  • #32522
    Profile photo of KIP. KIP. 
    Participant

    “My partner will not let me speak to his wife”

    This is abusive and controlling in itself. What right has he to not let you do anything?

    Also, if he has nothing to hide then there wouldn’t be a problem with the two of you speaking.

  • #32540
    Profile photo of runner runner 
    Participant

    Initially he said he would organise it. I wonder if I should just go and see her after baby is born. Or as soon as I go off. But I don’t want to harm the baby.

    I feel he is hiding something from me and from her. X

  • #32587
    Profile photo of runner runner 
    Participant

    Southhall balck sisters will get back to me they have taken my name and address not sure why. When people ask if he lives with me I say none of his mail comes here, his gp is by his wifes house and he only partially shares the gas bill with me. He is at mines everytime I am there.

    The midwifr said the only worry they had is if his family where putting pressure on me to to bring our little girl to see them. I don’t see them. But I feel like they are cutting me off.

  • #32601
    Profile photo of Healthyarchive Healthyarchive 
    Blocked

    I think that you should pay attention to how you feel. If you feel confused, foggy minded and manipulated then you really do feel those things and its because something is not right. You may not be able to clearly identify what is not right but just having the feelings is giving you a clear enough indicator. Maybe this can be your starting point. I felt so confused and mixed up like this. I am over that now and think clearly and independently as I am free of him. You will be able to get to this point too. X*X

  • #32609
    Profile photo of runner runner 
    Participant

    Not sure why I keep doubting myself. One helpline said it was just a relationship problem. But sligt mannipulation, emotional ignorance and isolating me from his own family are things i’m feeling. Midwife suggested my idea of seeing the wife may help me. I just worry being pregnant if her reaction is very negative it may be dangerous. The problem is he isn’t agressive or obviously nasty. I just don’t know if he still sleepsvwith his wife but I find it strange he sleeps downstairs. One time it was because he snores the new one is because our daughter sleeps in the bed. Its just odd behaviour. His gp is out of catchmemt area near his house.

    Did any of you ladys ever feel like you needed to prove things to yourself?

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