- This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 11 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Hi everyone..I posted on here a last year after being terribly u happy in a marriage with an alcoholic /drug user and controlling and emotially abusive man. I found the strength to pack up and leave with my children ….but I went back after just a matter of days as I was so overwhelmed with guilt and almost every bad thing he had ever done to me just disappeared out of my head and I started to convince myself that things went that bad and I just panicked and went back to my (all be it miserable) comfort zone. Me leaving really gave him a shock and he spent about 6 weeks being the model husband and father spending every moment he could at home giving up alcohol and drugs and attending AA meetings ECT. I really thought things had turned a corner and he had put his old ways behind him and had realised what was important in his life and what he could loose. However there has been a period of time now that his old ways have started to creep slowly back I can’t say I’m overly surprised but I’m very disappointed that I’m do ding myself back to square one! I could kick myself for coming back..I was out of here I had my whole future ahead of me if only I had stuck with it and been stronger!! He hurt my arm by grabbing it and twisting it during an argument causing bruising all up my arm. This was I front of our children! And after cried and apologised but later said it wasn’t a big deal and all couples have arguments. We also recently had a male member of his family come to stay for a few days recently who had to leave because he couldn’t stand the way my husband spoke to and treated me. After he had left he called up to check I was ok and advised me that while he had been staying my husband had been out drinking and taking drugs whilst supposedly being at AA meetings and had been emotionally blackmailing his cousin not to tell me. I’m already on anti depressants and now I’m starting to feel sick all the time and really trapped again… even had thoughts of ending it all as I can’t do this for much longer. It’s really worn me down as a person and I just don’t know where to find the strength from to go and stay gone! I have asked him to leave on several occasions but he just won’t go so it has to be me. My only support is family miles away so I’d have to move my children’s whole lives which I feel really daunted by. My husband is terribly manipulative and when he thinks there’s a chance I’ve had enough starts trying to make me commit to future plans like book holidays.. ECT and starts doing everything he can for me and the kids to pretend he’s an amazing husband and father. Which makes things 10 times harder for me. Feel like if I don’t get gone soon I’m going to see my life pass me by xxxthanks for listeningxx
-
The recent twisting and hurting your arm is a criminal offence. You could report him to,the police and try to get an exclusion order removing him from the home. It sounds like you’re in a desperate place. Are you in touch with women’s aid. They can help you find housing etc. Many of us return to our abusers. It’s the anxiety and mental trauma that drives us back. Have you googled the cycle of abuse? You definitely need help to leave permanently. Take strength in that you’ve left before. Albeit temporarily. But that was a huge step. Abusers never change. Abuse always gets worse. Ring the helpline number on here. You can do it. I was with my abuser for decades and I managed to get free. Life is great now. Once the fog of the abuse clears. The Fear Obligation and Guilt, you will see things in a much different light. There was a good life before him and there’s an even better life after him x
-
Thank you for the reply I definitely need help and support to leave permanently I can’t tell my family about the violence in just too ashamed. I have previously been to the gp and it’s logged there and have thought about calling the police and trying to get him removed from the home but then he will still always know where we are..it’s not really physical violence I fear but more the emotional manipulative side. He becomes the victim of every situation. I will try to call the helpline and see what they say. Thanks again xx
-
-
-
You can leave again.
But, why don’t you report the injury to the A&E and police and get rid of him this way with a non molestation and occupation order?
He is an adult with capacity. You do not need to feel responsible for him in any way.
Put your own and your child’s safety and happiness first and persevere of getting rid of him for good, without emotions. Be fierce. You can cry later.
The trauma will follow you for a long time and you will need years to recover.
For now you need to focus on survival and put your own needs first, no matter what.
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
